When is it right or wrong for one partner to counter disciplinaryasures given to a child by the other?
Children are bound to make mistakes and disciplinary actions from their parents to correct them are expected. When a parent overrides the disciplinary actions of the other, what does it connote? How do parents avoid going to the extreme when protecting a child? A parent opened up thus: “Whenever I try to correct my three-year-old daughter, her dad counters me. He has done this on several occasions and it is beginning to become worrisome. It is getting out of hand. How do I handle this?”
Thirty-nine-year-old Abigail Musa, a school teacher, advises that the girl is too young to be punished, and that is why the father is being protective. “That is the same way my husband used to think until the day my then five-year-old son slapped his face. I felt good inside me that day, because he always protected him whenever he did something wrong and I wanted to punish him,” she recalled. “All that has changed now, as he supports me to punish him whenever he does something wrong, unlike in the past where he protected him. The thing is these kids know what they are doing and the earlier we start correcting them, the better.”
For Jamila Ali, a 35-year-old accountant, it is best to deal with negative tendencies in kids early: “Hubby or not, it’s best to discipline these kids when they exhibit negative behaviour because when they grow with them people will point accusing fingers at us the mothers, saying things like ‘your mother didn’t give you good home training.’” She advises that: “As mothers we need to stand our ground to make sure that our partners don’t get overprotective when it comes to disciplining our children. Good or bad, mothers take the credit or blame at the end of the day.”
Medical doctor Rahmatu Ahmed, 39, opines that disciplining a child is a joint effort of both partners: “Maybe you should ask him how he suggests you discipline your daughter because as a mother you also want the best for her. You should let him know you both are in this together and her upbringing is a joint effort.”
Is a three-year-old girl too young to be punished? Chinelo Ezenekwe, a 38-year-old accountant, wondered: “Is it not too early to introduce such punishment to a child who might even perceive it as fun? On the other hand, I think she should appeal to her husband to desist from the act of countering her instructions in front of the child, else she will grow not having any regard for your instructions.”
Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi, a marriage counsellor, says it is bad for one partner to counter the instructions of the other in front of the child, but on the other hand, questions if the disciplinary act was done with love or resentment: “Most mums give disciplinary measures out of anger. When caning a child, we sometimes get carried away and beat the child as if we are hitting an animal. I’ll advise parents to correct with love. There are things that work as punishment at every stage of our children’s life. Discipline starts the very day you start to nurture a baby, so if your hubby is not in support of her kneeling down maybe he should suggest another alternative because the counter-action will not help.”
Abdullahi added that it is wrong to overrule disciplinary actions carried out on kids. “Kids are perceptive and you both need to train them with one voice. The earlier, the better,” she said.
