You are bound to encounter obstacles in a relationship. But can going to the extreme and resorting to ‘jazz’ solve the problem?
Patience (not real name) narrated her nightmare to her friends and sought their advice at a gathering: “I felt insecure about how my husband flirts and heeded the advice of some family members to hook him spiritually. I was given a calabash which I kept away in a safe place in our house for years but unfortunately, he saw it recently and has decided to move out of the house. My intention was not to hurt or harm him but to ensure that I live in peace with him forever. I never gave him any concoction to eat; the calabash was the only thing I had. Was it wrong for me to have tried to protect my home by doing that?”
Women are known to be the weaker sex and tend to get emotional when they feel their relationship or marriage is threatened. In some instances, they go to the extreme in trying to protect the love their husbands have for them. The question many people ask is, is going fetish the only way to secure a relationship or marriage? Respondents had varying opinions on the issue.
Thirty-six-year-old civil servant, Amina Usman, says: “This reminds me of the days I was in a man’s house that I loved so much even though I faced emotional and physical trauma from him on daily basis. To keep my home I sought the advice of people, some of who advised me to go the fetish way. I almost fell prey but at the last minute changed my mind. I decided to go on my knees and pray to God and that worked for me almost instantly. Till date, I always preach to women who care to listen, that going fetish will only jeopardise your life int the long run. Going that way is not worth the pain.”
For Hajiya Hajara Saleh, a 45-year-old educationist, mothers need to teach their daughters that their destiny in marriage depends on how well they coordinate their homes and the challenges they encounter. “If the man in question is just deciding to move out instead of asking her to leave then, I believe her husband wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. I mean, the man would have beaten and kicked her out of the house by now,” she notes.
“We need to understand that some friends are not after our good, where are they now in her time of trouble? Why do we always deceive ourselves that consulting witch doctors fetish is the permanent solution to our problems in life? No man will take it if he finds out, no man,” Hajara surmised.
Thirty-eight-year nurse, Adenike Wilson, asked rhetorically: “So now I’ll like to know did the juju work? Because if it worked even after he saw it he shouldn’t be angry, he should have been able to love her more. The result means the juju did not work and she is now left to wallow in sorrow. Any man that you have to use juju to keep is not your own whether you are married or not. True love does not depend on being fetish. Being fetish has never had a good ending, I wonder why people still go ahead with it.”
Marriage counsellor, Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi, says: “She should thank God the husband hasn’t sent her packing yet and disgraced her which would have been a huge mess for her and her family. Secondly, if she still loves him and wants him back in her life, then she should meet people he respects and would listen to and confess to them, beg them to help her talk to him. She shouldn’t expect him to forgive her immediately because he would not quickly believe her excuse that she did it for love, he may be feeling she wanted to kill him, especially if she has been having issues with him. Thirdly, the same God she wasn’t so sure of His wonders that made her go to a traditionalist she needs to ask for His forgiveness because He is the ultimate.”
She notes that women go to the extreme when they believe a man is the only reason for their existence and advises. “The bottom line is that you are wrong and shouldn’t have listened to your friends or relatives. He might be cheating but instead of going off-course why don’t you try to change your ways/character or divorce him if you couldn’t cope with his cheating habits? Even if he takes you back, the trust he once had for you will surely never be there anymore as he will keep being skeptical of your actions around him,” the counsellor said.
