To be shy in most traditional African societies is to be modest, quiet, and reserved. Persons with these personality traits are also, sometimes, reclusive. Shyness is simply one of the several ways by which some people react or respond to real or imagined situations. Before colonial Africa came under the irresistible cultural impact of modernity, Shyness was a positive element among African natives. In countries of the West, however, shyness is interpreted as a negative emotional state.
Some people confuse shyness with lack of confidence. Others see it as a manifestation of low self-belief and introversion. They are actually not one and the same because shyness, the lack of confidence and low self-belief aren’t exclusive to introverts. Extroverts could also be shy, lack confidence and be low in self-belief.
Indeed, shyness is a prophetic virtue. Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that the Prophet (SAW) once passed by a man from among the Ansar (helpers in the holy city of Madinah who received migrating Muslims on their arrival from Makkah) and was admonishing his brother in shyness. The Prophet (SAW) there and then said, “Certainly, shyness is part of Iman (faith)”. It is also reported on the authority of Imran bn Hussaini (may Allah be pleased with them both) that the Prophet (SAW) said, “shyness begets not except good”.
Shyness could be exhibited in different behavioural ways that may include courtesy, respect for human dignity, modesty, decency and humility. Only a shy individual, not a shameless person, epitomizes and displays these characteristics. Allah (SWT) in Qur’an 15:88 exhorts us to lower our wings (in gentleness) to believers. Expressing emotional feelings of remorse is tantamount to being shy. Most often, shyness is the expression of one’s level of personal discipline as much as it is of his sense of responsibility. Islam provides that shyness should permeate our daily life; defining the way we should talk, walk, look, eat, drink, and even laugh. Allah (SWT) in Qur’an 31:19 says, “And be moderate in thy pace, and lower thy voice, for the harshest of sound without doubt is the braying of the ass”.
Modesty in all manners, especially in clothing, is central to shyness. The need for modesty is the same in both men and women. Allah (SWT) explains in Qur’an 24:30 the nature of modesty required of believers. He (SWT) asserts, “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do”. Allah (SWT) adds in Qur’an 24:31 “And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments…”
Many women and men, today, have sadly forsaken this worthy but abandoned virtue of shyness. Women who display their shape, beauty or artificial ornaments to other than those listed in Qur’an 24:31 are far from being shy. It is not in the character of virtuous women to strike their feet on the ground while walking or tinkle their wrist or ankle ornaments while speaking. These deliberate actions of shameless women are often for the sake of attracting attention of others to themselves. Only the shameless does that. Shari’ah provides that a virtuous believer shall neither look at a woman other than his wife nor sit with any woman without the presence of a third party who must be her blood or foster relation. Abi Sa’eed Al-khudriyyi reports that the Prophet (SAW) was very much shy of looking at a virgin.
Looking at a woman with a premeditated intention to admire her is indeed forbidden in Islam. What we see today in many schools, universities and in other public places is incredible. Today’s youth can say anything however offensive; look at anything no matter how obscene; listen to anything no matter how crude; and could do anything however indecent. Shyness expressed by way of modesty seems to have long been expunged from the ethical dictionary of contemporary young boys and girls. For example, young Muslims of today who have reasons to abstain from fasting eat publicly during the month of Ramadan. A Muslim that does that is simply in short supply of the virtue of shyness. It is reported on the authority of Annas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (SAW) said, “(While) abomination mars every act, shyness adorns every act”.
If everyone would be shy in both private and public life, in spiritual and mundane life, during the day and at night, at home and outside of it; the word “indecency” would not have existed in the human language. In shyness, we earn the honour, respect, loyalty and confidence of others. With shyness, we could build a society whose foundation is morality, piety as its light and tranquillity as its strength. The Prophet (SAW) said, “If it does not cause you to be ashamed, do whatever you like”. May Allah (SAW) guide us against engaging in acts that would rob us of shyness, render us shameless, and thereafter, bring us shame, amin.