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Your marriage is your script, act it to your taste- Mrs Anulika Onuegbu Ezenekwe

How long have you been married? We have been married for 11 years How did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to him?I…

How long have you been married?
We have been married for 11 years
How did you meet your spouse and what attracted you to him?
I met my spouse at his brother’s wedding. It was his height that attracted me. Funny right!
Did you have problems with in-laws consenting to the would-be union?
Not at all, they were very accommodating people. It  was also one of the  reasons  that attracted me to the family too.
How many kids do you have now?
We have two children.
What in your opinion are the secrets to a good, long lasting relationship?
Constant communications, patience and  sacrifice.
Do you apply principles from your work place in running your marriage?
Not at all! For me work is work and family is family, no meeting point. They both deserve to be treated on separate bases and should never be an obstruction to each other.
After 11 years of marriage, what is that unique thing about your spouse that amuses you till date?
He is very understanding. I mean, he is very, very understanding. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to be my husband than him
Marriages come with a lot of challenges. What is it that has kept you going despite all the challenges?
God’s grace has been sufficient.
What did your parents think about your mate when they first met him?
They were okay with him. No hassles at all. They accepted him immediately.
What are some of the biggest adjustments you have made since becoming  married?
My career. I’m a career woman and it’s really very difficult complementing both, but I have had to adjust. Every marriage has features of adjustment,  if it must succeed.
What role has communication played in your marriage?
A major role, in fact,  it has been the bedrock of my marriage and still is. Communication in marriage is very important and essential. Couples must imbibe the culture of communicating in their matrimony homes.
What is the hardest thing you have had to deal with in your married life and how did you handle it?
Parental  influence. With wisdom and diplomacy, I was able to manage it. Every wife has to be wise and diplomatic when dealing with such sensitive issues in marriage.
How did you incorporate traditions from your childhood into raising your family? What type of new traditions did you start?
For me, it’s the more of the childhood traditions all the way; that of respect for one another, elders, Godliness, contentment, obedience, hard work, perseverance. And a  little of the new tradition, which  is just being  able to express yourself without fear or favour. The ability to say your own opinion or say what’s on your mind.
How are household chores divided   between you and your spouse? Has it changed over the years?
We are both involved all the time. It hasn’t changed. We do not wait for each other; whatever needs to be done has to be done by whoever is readily available. It doesn’t matter what it is.
How do you handle conflicts in your marriage?
We talk it over all the time, even if we have to shout but no third parties must be involved and it has always worked out.
How do you feel about your spouse now compared with when you first got together?
We are more compatible, we understand each other better and we always work things out. We are more matured now.
What advice would you give young ladies about finding a mate?
Be ready to make sacrifices, be patient ready to learn and accept each other’s differences. No one is perfect and most especially and most importantly, marry your friend. Your spouse is the best friend you can ever have.
How important is trust in courtship and how would   the girl know she can trust the man she is about to marry?
Trust is really important, but it’s a thing of the mind and it is relative. You have to make up your mind to trust and be trusted. You can never know everything about someone, so you must be ready to accept and manage every situation and never dwell on each other’s past. The past for me is past. The way forward matters more.
We see so many young couples planning every detail of their wedding, but forgetting to plan for the rest of their lives together. How can they learn how to get it right the first time? What advice do you have for them?
Can you really plan for the marriage itself? I’m not too sure of that. It’s just like planning for an exam you never read for or attended any formal lesson. For me, the wedding preparations are things you have an idea about and it’s about you and everyone else that will be present. You can even hire people to do the planning for you and everything goes well. But marriage is about just the two of you, it comes with a lot of uncertainties, you can’t plan much but you must be prepared for whatever it brings. It is no child’s play and must be taken very seriously. You need to do a lot of praying and decision- making. You must be ready to learn, manage every situation be patient, and be able to make a lot of sacrifices, accept certain situations, talk things out with your partner all the time. You must also be ready to cry together, laugh together and play the fool sometimes. It is not a bed of roses. You have to take each step at a time. No two marriages are the same, so don’t compare yours with the other, because in marriage, what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. It’s your own script, handle it with care.
What are some of the challenges you have overcome in marriage?
We both have different upbringings, goals, values, objectives, family and friends. I’ve been able to manage our differences, beliefs, goals, values, our likes and dislikes, family, in-laws and friends. Raising kids is even more challenging,  but God has been our help.
Before marriage what were you told about marriage that you now see it differently?
Marriage is not all mills and booms,  as everyone paint it to be; it’s not smooth all the way. It is not a bed of roses. It’s simply, your ability to manage your script well and to stand through the thick and thin.

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