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Would you still be friends with your ex?

When two people agree to date, it means they have an emotional bonding and understanding for each other. Then the love, compassion happens fast. Along…

When two people agree to date, it means they have an emotional bonding and understanding for each other. Then the love, compassion happens fast. Along the line, certain issues may arise that could lead to a break up.                                                                                                                        

When the break up happens, the last thing that you would want to hear from your ex is “we can still be friends”. It is not impossible but the question now is “Is it a good idea for two people who were once in love and shared so much together to remain as just friends?

In other words, would you still remain friends with your ex? LifeXtra sought people’s views on this.

Speaking from experience, Kenechukwu Ogbuagu, who works with NIBCARD games, said “Having been in that situation twice, I can assure you it’s no safe environment to be in emotionally and psychologically. So I would say no, simply for that reason.”

He added “One practical reason is you unconsciously begin to compare other women to her and that’s not really right. And you even starting becoming a little unsettled when she talks about her life. I think it’s better to move on. You can say ‘hi’ but no friendship at all.”

James Bigila, a communications specialist, responded with an emphatic NO. He said “Ah, friends with an ex? No way, because as long as she is not married, there’s the likelihood that you guys may still eat the forbidden fruit in the middle of the garden again. It’s a proven fact.”

Muhammad Bello Sada, who is married and works in a tertiary institution, belongs to the school of thought that says maintaining friendship is maintaining contact with the ex. He said “With all those memories together, such contact may be disastrous. It can affect your current relationship or your ex’s current relationship. You just can’t get over some memories for the rest of your life. If the breakup is not messy, we can maintain some civility between us, but not actual friendship.”

Damilola Jonathan Oladeji, who is single and also a writer, says it’s okay “If you can live without drama and reminiscing old days. Sometimes people just like trouble too much for their own good so if you cannot be mature enough to let the relationship remain in the past then keep away.”

Speaking to LifeXtra, Elizabeth Ifejika gave a twofold answer. She said “Every relationship mustn’t lead to marriage but then, the way and manner you handle your affairs with people matters. Yes, I will but it depends on what led to the break up like genotype issues, incompatibility, and so on.”

She added “No I won’t because issues like infidelity, deliberately leaving you to marry another person and the like can prevent us from remaining friends after we break up. If I’m not good for marriage after long period of dating you, I can’t be friends with you either. However, it doesn’t mean we are quarrelling.”

An article titled “Should you be friend with your ex after break up”? By Suman Doogar says “Being friend with an ex is not easy. It needs commitment from both sides, proper boundaries to be set and followed; but most importantly, mental stability and certainty. You must be sure the end of the relation is what you really wanted. Crossing boundaries will only damage the mental state of both sides and linger things which can cause misunderstanding and eventually will turn everything bitter.”

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