An argument broke out last week during a small gathering when a man said over his dead body that he should kneel and apologise to his wife or girlfriend notwithstanding the bone of contention. In his words, even if he was at fault there was no way he would say sorry to her. “Why should I apologise to a woman? God in His mercy has made the man above the woman and it should remain like that no matter what. She should be the one apologising even if I am the one who is wrong,” he noted. “Why should I stoop so low to apologise to a woman? That on its own is degrading the authority I have as the man of the house. Apology is meant for females and not the male gender. Quote me anywhere, I stand by my words that men should never stoop so low to apologise to women, never, no matter what, not even for love,” the man stressed.
Really! If I may say something, this man sure has a lot of issues going on in his life. Who still lives with this kind of thinking that men should always boss their way through a woman’s life even when he is at fault? But following is what respondents think of the vexing issue.
Grace Udie-Anah, a lawyer, thinks that men who feel too high to apologise are low on self-esteem: “Any man that thinks that apologising is solely for women is really full of pride and I tell you with that kind of attitude he will surely not be able to run a home. A relationship is a 50/50 thing and so he should not expect his partner to be always on the defensive just because he wants to satisfy his selfish ego.
She adds that: “As far as apologising goes, he doesn’t have to kneel down literally to apologise to his wife but the way he goes about it will be like he is kneeling down. My husband once did it though he took me by surprise because he also has a strong ego but he apologised to me and was sincere about it.”
Most marriages, says Adunola Oluwabukola, can be saved if only men inculcate the habit of saying sorry whenever they wrong their partners: “Most crude Nigerian men won’t do it and that is why most marriages fail these days. A man who has this kind of thinking can only be a dictator in the home and no woman wants a dictator for a husband.” Oluwabukola adds that: “Every woman wants a man that will be caring and understanding, not one that sends her running from the sitting room when she hears his car drive into the compound. There is no big deal in it, in my opinion whoever apologises first is the mature partner and really wants the relationship to work out no matter what. In as much as there is genuine love which is germane factor in any relationship apologising should never be a problem for any of the couple.”
Saying sorry can earn a man a lot of respect from his wife and even his peers. Chinomso Alozie, says: “My husband does apologise whenever he knows he is at fault and I am angry with him and I respect him a lot for that, because very few men would accept that they are wrong and even think about apologizing,” she notes. “For those who think that apologising is solely for women, well, let them know that there is nothing really wrong with a man apologising to his woman, it’s more a sign of love and respect that he has for her rather than lowering himself before her. It does not stop him from being the man he has always been or would be. For me I see as strength rather than humility in a man who apologises to his woman,” Alozie stressed.
Emma Ilenikhena, a computer engineer, also sees nothing wrong in a man apologising to his partner: “If my woman can kneel down to tell me she is sorry, why should I find it so difficult to apologise to her? I can equally do it if I am wrong. Guys like to pretend and have a lot of ego in them and this most times makes it difficult to have a steady relationship.” Ilenikhena advised that: “No woman should be made to feel inferior in a relationship. Apologising should be said by whoever wrongs the other no matter the gender.”
Most men are myopic in their thinking and allow inferiority complex rule their lives, so thinks Francess Epse. “My hubby did it once while crying, begging me to stay, it was so touching I went down on my knees and begged him never to kneel for me,” she says. “I can’t bear to see the one I love in such a situation. It’s a sign of his strength not weakness and only a real man of honour can do that.”
Marriage counsellor, Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi has a question for men who feel they cannot apologise to their partners. “Are they a God? We are all equal in the sight of God; and if the man really loves the woman as he claims he does, then he should be able to say a simple ‘I am sorry’ when he wrongs her. There is nothing positive being stubborn or strong-headed has ever achieved in a relationship, it’s all destruction if he rigidly stands by his biased and myopic thinking.”
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