“Some men are simply sadists. No matter what you do to satisfy their every need, they still see you as an old commodity. Well, for me, it is only when you make yourself feel like an old cargo that the man will have the chance to treat you like one. Whatever goes up will surely come down. There is a saying in my language that “da tsohuwar zuma ake magani,” says Hajiya Maryam Indo.
It’s annoying and disgusting the way and manner some men instantly find faults in their first wife whenever they want to marry a second one. They begin to say things that she does not do and things like she does not know how to cook or take care of the house. Some even go to the extent of saying that she is an illiterate and he needs a literate wife. “My first wife is not educated and considering the trend now, I find myself constrained to marry an educated woman,” these were the words of Alhaji Abubakar Jabir.
When one reads such statements, one is forced to conclude that for him to make such a derogatory statement about his wife, then we wonder how literate he is if he’s just realising that education is the key for every woman. Besides, what stops him from making his first wife literate instead of taking another wife? Men will always find excuse to take in more wives, but the question is: must they always put down the person in the house for them to take another wife? They forget that they denied and discouraged the unfortunate wives at home to further their education after marriage.
As Mallam Kabir Adam rightly said, polygamy is inborn in every man. Men are generally polygamous in nature as even if they are married to four women, they’ll still have flings outside the home. They are always willing to have adventures as they see women as chapters in their lives. “Nothing annoys me more than when the husbands show discrimination and preference for the new bride. That is not how Islam has asked that it should be done, but they have fine-tuned it to their own taste and convenience.
“If it was women that were given the chance to marry up to four husbands, then there would have been war since the beginning of the world, which would not have ended because the jealousy of a man is more than that of a woman. God has given us a soft heart to bear whatever comes our way and that is why He made the law the way it is. There is nothing wrong in bringing the other woman, but when you start neglecting your duties and showing preference, that is where problems start,” says Hindatu Saleh.
Continuing, Hindatu said, “Though one cannot deny the fact that some women are the ones that make their husbands to marry a second wife, but that does not give the husbands the privilege to ridicule the first wife before the new bride. We women being who we are always use such against one another. Any man that wants peace in his home will pave the way for peace by according due respect to the first wife, so that every other thing will follow in normalcy.
“On the other hand, most men do not want such peace as they feel if their wives come together, they (the men) will be at the receiving end. And men being who they are would want at least one wife to be on their side when they are at war with the other wife (s).”
Binta Ali said, “Men complain that we are old, so they need to get a young bride forgetting that they are also old. Even if they take stimulants, it can never be the same. They complain about character and so many other things and forget that women are all the same. It’s just that level pass level. Men are not reliable at all; that is the only aspect of the Islamic religion where they tend to follow the Holy Prophet. Any other thing after that is zero, so just leave them as it is in their blood. I do my best and leave the rest, because no matter what you do, they will always find a way to turn it around,” she said.
While it is regrettable how some men throw caution to the wind when marrying a second wife, they should not forget about the blessings that the first wife brought to the home. So it is wise to accord her, her due respect and not condemn her before the new bride.
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