Why fairytales are the tallest tales ever told!

This song is just one of a million stories of how girls grow up believing that there is a Prince Charming out there that would fall in love with them despite their imperfections. Well, more fall in love with the imperfections themselves. Remember voiceless Ariel (The Little Mermaid) and how Eric fell in love with her despite the fact that she couldn’t speak to him; remember Cinderella who had to go into hiding but still, her prince was determined to find her? Fairytales make us believe that there is someone out there who would do the impossible for love. They also make us believe that love conquers all.

I honestly wish these fairytales could come true. The norm today is that boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy anticipating “the fairy tale”. Then what happens? Reality steps into view. Boy can’t deal with girl’s imperfections and boy ties to straighten girl out. In the process, girl gets broken. Boy looks at broken girl and instead of trying to mend her and tend to her injuries, boy abandons girl, says good bye and walks out – without a backward glance. Okay, let me be a little more objective here, he may just take pity on girl and take a glance backwards.

Have you had cause to think of why the rate of divorce these days is so high? I would attribute it to the fact that the girls expect a lot more from their husbands than they are capable of giving. The men do not want to inconvenience themselves for the girls. True love to a woman means ABSOLUTE COMMITMENT! To men of these days it has more to do with ‘how much (materially) can I get from this deal?’ Will she come with the car, house and help me upgrade my standard of living? These are all attributed to the modern men because in the olden days, men were embarrassed to handle finances of their wives, they were proud and their women loved them for it.

If girls are looking out for “readymade men”, what are the men doing looking for the same in girls? To be fair to both parties, I guess both have misplaced priorities in that they look out for the material instead of trying to find soul mates.

As a husband, the man must be prepared to be the father, the brother, mother, sister, friend and provider for and of the wife. He must be capable of extreme patience and understanding. He must be ready to hold his wife’s hand when she needs him and must place the interest of his family first before any other thing. A husband must earn the respect of a wife because earning it is the only way. No man can force his wife to respect him, not even by battering her. How to earn it? First, not only does the husband have to say that he loves his wife, he must act like he means it. Secondly, have a little pride and pay a little less attention to the material aspects of your wife’s life. Thirdly, appreciate her; let her know that you are thankful to have her in your life. There are a billion ways to do so.

All the man needs to do is to take time out get to know his wife, to know what makes her tick. Please listen to her without thinking in your mind that she nags too much – a woman’s outlet is her mouth. Sometimes all she needs is a listening ear.

And to all you ‘modern men’, all ‘modern women’ need is someone to look up to but my understanding is that men feel intimidated. Why? Career women are a threat; women shouldn’t be heard to discuss intellectually, etc. But women are companions who should make life more bearable or even fun. Take the competition out of the way and you realize that women, although not always easy going, are not necessarily the most difficult people to deal with. Modern women, realize that there exists no Prince Charming and cut down on the unrealistic expectations and maybe, just maybe, you may find the man ready to do the possible for you.

So, Anita Baker was right, after all: only that fairytales belong where they do, in dreams and fantasies.

Maryam wrote in from Maitama, Abuja