Many women are still facing abuse today mostly through maligning and disparaging them in the name of marriage.
People have expressed different views as regards why men monitor their wives. Francis B. Azu, a graduate of computer science said monitoring a woman is not only necessitated by her infidelity but also for her security in terms of protecting her from the attacks and malice of others.
He explained that apart from deliberately engaging herself in adultery, women are prone to other vicious attacks against them such as rape or sexual assault, and embarrassment by bad boys.
He maintained that people who do not trust their wives adopt different ways of monitoring them, adding that where a man met his wife and how they got married determines to a large extent the level of trust, confidence and success of the marriage.
“Most people monitor women because of infidelity but it should be noted that if you met your wife as ashawo (prostitute) and you got married to her, you can’t expect her to always be at home because she is already exposed to the whole world, tasted it and enjoyed it”, he said.
He said some people monitor their wives through mobile phone connections these days such that when their wife is receiving a call, they also listen to the whole conversation on their phones while others lie to their wives on suspicion that they would travel while they later return in the midnight to ascertain the true state of affairs at home and particularly to catch their wife with someone they are suspecting to have been having affairs with her.
A farmer in Donga local government area of Taraba State popularly known as Ganyer who claimed that he had repented for Christ told our reporter that when he was “in the world”, he monitored his wife seriously to ensure that she doesn’t have any sexual relationship with any other man.
He said, “Monitoring a woman is not a crime. It is all about stopping her from being corrupted by bad company or friends and to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.”
The farmer said metaphorically that he used to monitor his wife through diabolical means. He stated that he had two charms that were responsible for keeping watch over his wife in case she deviated.
Explaining how the charms worked, Ganyer in his late 30s stressed that one of the charms was meant to deal with his wife if she misbehaved while another was meant for any man who would have intercourse with her.
Ganyer said, “The work of the first charm was to deal with any man who sleep with my wife. If you sleep with my wife, you will become impotent within 12 days and no native doctor will be able to heal you, all they will tell you is to come back to me and beg me for forgiveness.
“The second charm was working against my wife if she misbehaved. The charm had the power to block her private part if she sleeps with any other man apart from me and it will not open until she tells me the truth”, he said.
He elucidated that on the part of the man who slept with his wife and became impotent, he would prepare the healing medicine for him if he wants to forgive him.
On the part of the woman, he would use liquid medicine if he wants to forgive her, adding that within the period of blockage, no other man would be able to sleep with her.
Ganyer who revealed that the person who gave him the charms was an octogenarian who performed mystic powers in the area however, claimed that he had since destroyed the charms and repented.
He also revealed that he had another one that could stuck both the wife and the man having sex with her until the truth is told adding that only him (Ganyer) can release them from the stuck. He stated categorically that a padlock was transformed into charm locked and when they are stuck, it is only him that would set them free by unlocking the padlock.
The practice as non-civilised, horrendous and inhuman as it may appear has gained acceptance even among the elites in our society today. Some people even have informants that give them information about every single movement or action of their wives and have become so worried in life that they can’t do reasonable things outside the home with fear that the wife might cheat on them.
However, another respondent who gave his name simply as Jito, said that the culture of monitoring women is more prevalent in the villages than in cities and towns where everyone minds his or her own business with his family.
He said men will not stop monitoring their wives because most women are not honest. He stated that the community he came from, married women still like having romantic relationship with other men so people keep their wives under close watch to save the situation or at least make it better.
“In my community, some of our people monitor their wives to be satisfied that they are not cheating on them. But anyway, we still have some trusted women in this society but the bad eggs are more, as such, it is as if the good ones are not there but I don’t think monitoring one’s wife is bad, ” he said.
He described as interesting the situation where some women also monitor their husbands to ensure that no other woman snatches their husband away from them, stressing that the extent to which men monitor their wives is deeper than the reverse.
While the practice of monitoring women is still actively and purposefully operational in our homes and society, many men have adopted different ways of monitoring their wives to the extent of even adopting the diabolical means just to be satisfied or sure that their wives don’t cheat on them or associate with unwanted company or friends.
