Dear Nabilah,
I’m a young chap in my late thirties.
I went into politics with strong patriotic feelings to right the many wrongs besieging our society so that my children’s generation will grow up in a better society. I worked tirelessly for the election, unfortunately, I did not win. I know that’s the will of Allah and I’m probably better off by not winning. I also see it as a lesson for next time in sha Allah. But from time to time I find my mind indulging in a lot of negative thoughts mainly around why did I fail? With all my patriotic intentions why did I fail and the unpatriotic and self serving ones win? I guess I’m looking for some wisdom behind this and any comforting words which you may offer me to use against my negative thoughts.
-Heartbroken in Politics
Dear Heartbroken,
Wisdoms:
- It’s Allah that knows everything, they may appear unpatriotic to you but only Allah knows what is in their hearts, they might actually be as patriotic as you or even better. And remember a lot of people have ventured into politics with a clean heart like you but ended up becoming corrupt because it’s the system that is corrupt so it ends up affecting everyone involved. Consider it this way: that you were spared from probably becoming corrupt too.
- Maybe you and your style of leadership is not what is befitting the society at this stage, maybe the self-serving ones are more fitting because the society are generally self-serving too.
- Winning is a trial for them just like failing is a trial for you.
Words of Comfort:
- You are one of the rare ones in this time that cares about the future of your society with good intentions to change it for the better.
- Hey! Keep cool, failing is one of the many steps to success, if you look back in history, most of the famous (good) political leaders you will find that most of them fail several times before winning.
- One day, you will win and your dreams of righting the wrongs will be fulfilled! From now see your failure as a lesson to acquaint yourself of the political climate and to be better equipped next time in sha Allah.
Help! I don’t know my place in this marriage!
Dear Nabilah,
My mother-in-law is a very rich and successful businesswoman with many businesses thrown all over town and my husband is her manager running it all for her as such they are very close and always together. My husband loves and respects his mother too much, her needs and duties come first before anyone else at all times. As such we don’t have any husband and wife time because he went out very early and came back very late at night. He eats all his 3 meals there, when I see my friends with their husbands driving them shopping or some places I yearn for what they are having and feel sad knowing it’s something I will never have. I love my husband but lately, I have been thinking about divorce because I have never felt wifely in my marriage!
-Empty Married
Dear Married,
Marriage is not only about having ample time with each other, but it’s also about making a lot of sacrifices to build it up and stay together. Every marriage has its own problems and successful marriage are the ones where the couples make sacrifices to each other through tolerance and letting go of certain desires.
You should be grateful for such a good husband that cares about his mother because they are rare these days. There’s a saying that if you want to know how a man will treat his wife, watch how he treats his mother.
I advise you to have more patience and to sacrifice your desire of having more time with your husband for something much more grander, that’s keeping your marriage alive, accept the fact that having more time is not part of your marriage at this stage, and look for the good things that your marriage is blessed with rather than the negatives, for I assures you things will change for the better and true love is all about making sacrifices. Try and make his time with you a beautiful one, very relaxing and entertaining so that he will always be looking up to being with or even creates more time for you, the way you make him feel is what will make him makes efforts to create more time to be with you, so be sure to let him feel good at all times and quit complaining about unimportant things.
Also, get involved with his business, if you are equipped in some areas of it offer your help, by that you will have more interaction with him more than the normal you used to have. If this is not possible then you can devise a way for you to become very busy with some activities of your choice like a home-based business, getting a job, volunteering, valuable hobbies etc. As they say: an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. May you have more courage to sacrifice for your marriage.
