Why appreciating others matter

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer

Though written several decades ago, the words of the Christian theologian, philosopher, writer and 1952 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Schweitzer, will remain true and relevant for centuries to come.

At the end of a school year, pupils were asked to take a few minutes each to say what he or she felt was their greatest achievement in the year and write them down.

As each of them was given a chance to recount their achievements, the teacher added an observation here and there about what she appreciated about the pupil. In no time the pupils joined I as they each commended one another. It was such a positive interaction that not only boosted them but also mended some hurt.

Simple as the act of commending someone is, it isn’t something that we should take for granted because in spite of the other things we may derive from life, there may be nothing as fulfilling than knowing that we indeed matter and make a difference and can be recognized for it.

Knowing that one is genuinely appreciated can be uplifting. It gives a sense of security and empowers you to do more than just the average.

Some wonder why then it is such a difficult task for people to openly praise or express appreciation to others whether at home or work?

“It is not farfetched I dare say, I think it is because they know no better than that,” said Tunji Oyewale. According to the seventy three year old retiree, “It is not something they are fluent with. It therefore feels awkward when they try it. People are not used to showing positive emotions and are generally unaccustomed to sharing them that it becomes uncomfortable attempting to do so. Genuine appreciation is a lifestyle many have not tried master or felt the need to.”

In the similar light, many people like Humphrey Odunaiki still find it a little difficult to say their appreciations. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate what people do; I sincerely am grateful for a lot of things that people do and the efforts they make when I give them tasks. The welder who has four apprentices working under him in Dawaki, a suburb of the FCT, said, “But sometimes I find it a little embarrassing to say my thanks and verbalise my appreciations. What I do is to maybe give them a gift or something like that and hope they understand that I am saying thanking or appreciate what their efforts.”

Another view expressed indicates that although appreciations are necessary and should be expressed as often as possible, it could be taken for granted or misinterpreted.

Stanley Igbokwe worries that people may take it for granted and begin to abuse the relationship. “I know that showing appreciation is very key in every relationship be it between husband and wife, servant and master or parent and children rapport,” he said. “Appreciation,” the thirty four year old tailor said, “is one of the major factors that show your value for the other party you are involved with. But from past experiences, I notice that people tend to take it for granted and abuse your relationship with them when one is prompt with expressing appreciation.”

Igbokwe explained that in a case where he expresses gratitude to his staff and regularly commend their efforts they seemed to relax a bit and get a little out of control. “Usually amidst laughter and jokes I would commend them and correct their errors. I noticed two of them in particular started being laid back and lackadaisical about their work. Word filtered to me that they were of the impression that their work was perfect. But for me my attitude was to commend and encourage them rather than dwell on their wrongs. I pointed them out of course when necessary but I preferred to encourage them to see that they could do more than they ordinarily thought of themselves. So after that one experience, I withdraw many of my ‘thanks’ and ‘well dones’. Interestingly, they sat up.”

Mrs. Sade Olu advises that, “Regardless what experiences one has encountered the bottom line of it all is that the way we relate with others around us are what enriches our lives. We must therefore take time to show these people who make our lives better just how much we appreciate them and how much they matter to us.”