Why a good relationship with your in-laws is important

Marriage creates a new family because it brings two people from different backgrounds together. However, issues with in-laws can put stress on a marriage depending on the relationship built with them, and how you relate with them can affect your own relationship with your spouse.

One of the biggest challenges of married life is getting along well with your in-laws. This includes siblings, parents, uncles, aunties et al. in other words, your spouse’s relatives have become your family and you’d be spending the rest of your life close to these people. 

In Africa, especially in Nigeria, it is a general belief that when a lady gets married, she’s not just marrying the man alone but his entire family. This also applies to the man. 

However, most people think otherwise. They do not see the need of establishing a good relationship with their in-laws. But are they right or wrong? LifeXtra as usual sought to know what peoples opinion were on the matter.

Yunus Abdulhamid, a married man in his late thirties, believes that having a good relationship with one’s in-laws adds to the atmosphere of love in a couple’s home. He told LifeXtra “It’s mutually beneficial to both spouses. The parents of your partner are most probably old enough to be your parents and in Africa, we honour the aged especially when marriage has brought two families together. The counsel from in-laws is invaluable for couples, especially newly-weds, to navigate the mucky waters of marriage and life in general.”

He added, “Where there is no good relationship, suspicion and animosity envelope the marriage and this could lead to a crash of the relationship. Also, as adherents of our different faiths, we are enjoined by God to be respectful and spread love not hate.”

Kindness Ekunode, who is in her early twenties, believes that marriage creates a new family. She said, “Generally, having a good relationship with your in-laws ensures peace in your home. If you are not at peace with your in-laws, then there are bound to be mountainous problems.”

Explaining what she meant by ‘mountainous problems’, she said, “Problems like in-laws influencing the couple, especially in decision-making.”

She added, “Being at peace with your in-laws is a catalyst to building your new family relationship.”

Also speaking to LifeXtra, Abolaji Olanipekun qho, who is in his mid-30s, said, “I think having a good relationship with your in-laws is a form of insurance for when you run into a difficult impasse with your spouse. Even though they may not completely side with you, they are likely not to be overly bitter with you as well. And in our culture, a woman does herself more good to keep her in-laws closer and manage the relationship in a way that keeps her in their good books.”

Speaking further, he said, “In-laws often provide a good glimpse into the minds of your own spouse who you think you know. If your relationship goes sour with your husband, if he thinks it will be difficult to sell a bad story about you to his family because they love you, then you win. But if he can sell that story and they’ll take it hook, line and sinker because they don’t care about you, then you are really isolated and may be gone before you know it.”

“If your in-laws love you, they will also go out of their way to protect and defend your kids even when your spouse loses his or her mind, which is not uncommon these days. If they don’t, they’ll do only the minimum, leaving you overwhelmed with carrying the loads solo,” he concluded.

An article “Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important” by Juliet PeeJay Wisdom stated “Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important. They are the ones who cared for and raised your spouse, and no matter what their imperfections are, you need to be thankful to them. Ask yourself “What good qualities do my in-laws possess?” You can also learn a lot from their experience. If you focus on your in-laws’ positive qualities and imitate those, you can become a well-rounded person.”