Who are you impressing?

Many husbands show their best sides to people outside the home, whereas they are entirely different when they are at homes with their families, but why is it so? Could it be out of sheer wickedness, callousness or ego? It could be all put together.
“These men give the impression to no members of the family that they are the best thing that could happen to any woman.   In actual fact, they are sadists in their homes and want to be worshiped like a king or even more. What does it take to make the women at home to be at peace with their presence? I know of many families that the man shows care, attention to the plight of others and neglects his own family. Women in such homes can’t complain, because even if they do, no one would believe them, because the man already has an image of being the good and kind hearted man in the society. The question many people would be asking if she finds the courage to complain to someone is, ‘why is she trying to tarnish the image of her husband?’  They might even say she is only ungrateful and is not happy that the husband is helping non members of the family. Outsiders would not understand the pressure such a family is passing through until they have firsthand experience themselves,” says Anita Ajua, a civil servant.
Trying to impress the whole world while the home suffers doesn’t make sense in any way, says Amina Muhammed, a marriage counselor  in Asokoro, Abuja. “In marriage, the spouses are meant to live according to the rule of marriage. They are meant to be comfortable with each other’s presence, but we have had situations that wives want the men not to be around, because they are more at peace when he is not around. The mood in the home changes from being peaceful to   tension as soon as the man steps into the house. This is not right and should not be. No marriage would sustain such pressure and no one should be made to go through such pressure.
“Your wife is the closest person to you in the whole world, yet many husbands show their best side to people outside the home. They make such an effort to impress and to make the right impression, yet they do not do this at home. Who is most deserving of your best side? Surely it is your spouse. So it doesn’t make sense to satisfy the world and your wife is unhappy with you. Don’t forget it is her that would be with you when the whole world turns against you. If husbands don’t sow the seed of kindness and compassion now, what do they intend to reap in future?” she asks.
This trend does not only apply to men alone but also the women. That of the husband’s only tends to be more exposed because they are more extravagant and carefree when issues like these arises.
The husband is the closest person to the wife in the whole world, yet many wives show their best side to their female friends, or during parties that are these days tagged as ‘Owambe’. They make such an effort to impress and to make the right impression to their own friends and yet they do not do this at home. Who is most deserving of your best side? Surely it is your spouse.
Ali Yahaya believes this problem applies to both spouses. “It is very true that such things happen, this applies to both husband and wife. I have seen people go to great lengths to uphold their prestige to impress outsiders and in turn put very little effort in their own homes/families. Couples should value the opinions of their spouse whom they spend most of their lives with. After all the wives are the mother of the children and in some way mothers to them and his whole family. On the other hand the man is the provider, protector and father of the children. Most of all they are partners on earth and eventually in Paradise if they live in accordance with God’s commandments”
It is true that one should hold a respectful image to those around them family, friends, and strangers alike but one should also recognize when giving their best to the wrong people.
Sometimes it’s too late to make things right. Sometimes we hurt others more than we realize. Sometimes a smile fades in front of our eyes just by the common mistakes we make. And sometimes we are the reason for tears in the ears of the people dear to us. Never treat anyone the way you don’t want to be treated. Care and support your family with the right impression, they matter more than the outside world. It’s never too late to give it a try.