Where to draw the line for motherhood

As far as raising children is concerned, there can be no perfection, just as there can be no single approach to it. Perfection, as we all know, can’t be reached when it comes to dealing with children. A mother is the backbone of the home and when she sets things off on a wrong footing then things are bound to be difficult in the home. A mother needs to continually try to lead by example if she is to live up to her name and please God. That is the way her home running can turn out successful. But some mothers do really cross the line when it comes to upbringing of their kids.

The other day during a group discussion, a friend us asked who an ideal mother is. One of us replied thus as if she was reading from a book “An ideal mother is one who inculcates the best of family values in her children and if possible her husband. She also has tons of patience to put up with the childish tantrums of both the children and husband and makes the child feel satisfied and happy without being over-indulgent. She is usually a mixture of toughness and softness. She is the child’s best friend. She is there for the child through every thick and thin. In one word, she is the light of her child’s life. But at the same time while doing this she should learn not to cross the line.”

But the big question is how many of us can brace the odds to be this kind of mother without been overprotective or too hardened in bringing up our kids? And when do we know that we are about the cross the line when dealing with our kids. Motherhood is pretty difficult but with the right guidance and patience it is one of the rewarding jobs you can ever get on earth.

Some people have voiced their opinion on what the relationship between a mother and child should be like. For Halima Abdulhakeem, she feels thee relationship between a mother and a child should first be based on happiness and love this way she believes the mother and likewise the child will not cross the lines.

“The relationship between the mother and her child should be one that will cause happiness in the home. No matter what occurs in the family, they need to be relaxed and able to speak with each other. Uppermost there should be love. While training, the mother needs to incorporate forbearance, longsuffering, perseverance, patience and composure. Never forget that whatever you might be facing then you will overcome. As mothers we need to be strong willed to surpass whatever challenges we might be facing. In the end we will understand that love conquers all that way there will be no line crossing.”

Mothers are known for the critical nature when it comes to rebuking their kids in issues they are not supportive of. Mrs. Rakiya Aminu, an educationist, is of the opinion that mothers should be kind and compassionate when criticising their kids. “Mothers should not be hypercritical. Judging the good, bad and the ugly is the definition of critical and hyper means over doing it. By doing this it will go a long way in showing the love and concerns of the mother. But to be hypercritical sends a message that she is too hard to please, that she constantly watches for and talks about all of her child’s faults, while not complimenting equally their good traits.”

When children constantly hear from their parents constant talk about their faults, they feel as if they are on trial. They will become unhappy and discouraged eventually. No one is immune to any censorship because of unwise or bad things we do. But when kids are constantly hearing criticism from their parents, we are hindering their efforts to do better. Psychologists tell us the craving for appreciation is one of the deepest needs in human nature. So it is important that we learn to appreciate and them whenever they deserve it. This in turn creates stronger bonds between the mother and child.

Nasir Usman, an engineer, says living by example and gaining respect and love makes all the mother a woman can be. “A mother would live by example rather than demanding love or respect from her child. By living by example, it shows that she deserves it. She won’t tell her child to love her just because she brought him/her into the world. She should not think it is her child’s duty to love her. A mother needs to show that she deserves love. She needs to act in such a way that will cause the child to love her no matter what. And all these can only be achieved if the child grows up knowing the sacrifices and challenges the mother had to go through for him/her to make it that far in life.”

We lose the joy of loving when it is demanded of us. Think of how guilty you have made your kids feel if you try to play on their intelligence about loving you or forcing them to love and respect you. Think how angry and resentful they will become towards you when they feel they are been pressured into giving unlimited love. Learn to be assured that it will be shown in many different ways if you give it the time to grow. A demanding, possessive love will cause your child to hold back the love she really feels in her heart for you. And as a mother, you don’t want that happening.

All mothers should aspire to be the role model mother to their children. Trials are bound come your way when training a child or children but if enough love is shown during the training period the mum will usually be successful in parenting.