Where do we place respect in marriage?

The argument on whether a woman’s place is under her husband or beside him is one that still generates a lot of debate. Many have claimed that the argument is baseless as respect is what every couple needs to overcome the issue of gender equality.

Mrs. Blessing Arinze while trying to explain a point says: “Look, a woman’s place is beside a man not under a man. My son will not marry a weak woman. He will not marry someone who feels inferior to him because I didn’t marry someone who wants me under him. A man and woman ought to respect each other. I am not allergic to respect, are you? Respect should be reciprocal and in doing that both partners should be side by side and not one ruling over the other. That is why we have issues in marriages today.”
Another friend, Hajara Garba, then asked: “Where do you place respect in all this drama of gender equality? She can be by his side but if there is no respect, it’s all worthless. A woman can be the breadwinner of the home but without respect the marriage cannot work.” Many other people have varying thoughts on this issue as responses from a cross section of people shows.
Mary Simon, a 40-year-old civil servant, says: “We agree, a woman’s place is beside the man, not under. The rib was taken from the side of Adam to create the woman which signifies her position. It doesn’t mean disrespect to the man. It means 1+1=1. Why would anyone have trouble comprehending this? This is the notion that has destroyed so many families, no one is saying women should be taking all sorts of insults from men, but the way some women talk and treat their husbands these days is just alarming. Respect should be present in every relationship.”
For Aisha Ibrahim, a 37-year-old entrepreneur, no one says a woman should be treated as a slave in her home, but she should accord her man due respect and he will in turn love and respect her.  “Rubbing shoulders with your husband doesn’t make you a strong woman, but at the same time respecting someone doesn’t mean you are a slave or afraid of that person,” she remarked.
“We all seek respect from people we are older than, please let’s stop deceiving ourselves with this gender equality notion and use our minds and consciences. Every man loves to be respected, let alone our husbands. Let’s give them the respect they deserve,” Aisha stressed.
Thirty-nine-year-old banker, Salamatu Kabir, believes that the lack of respect has cost many women their marriages. “That you summit to your husband doesn’t mean you are intimidated, you can be anyone you want to be but you must recognise the man as the head and accord him that respect, he will in turn respect you. Let’s stop rubbing shoulders with our husbands because as women we are meant to submit to them,” Salamatu noted.
“There is the need for many to understand what submission and chain of command is like. If you can be under your boss in the office why can’t you be under your husband? Both don’t mean you are inferior; it just means you understand the hierarchy and are ready to play your role without insubordination. That’s how things work. Two captains will capsize the ship. The bottom line is respect,” she added.
Olawole Adewusi, a 38-year-old lawyer, believes there is nothing wrong with what the lady is asking of her prospective daughter in-law as she simply said her son will not marry someone who feels inferior before him. “What’s wrong with that? Are women supposed to feel inferior to their husbands? Some women can’t even talk to their husbands out of fear and many are dying in silence because of this,” she said.
“You married a mate and not a boss. Yes, we are the head of the home but with respect and understanding, couples should communicate and not a situation where the man puts his wife in a place where she is simply a slave and not a mate. Some women can’t even sit with their husbands because of how they have placed them,” Olawole remarked.