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When your urine begins to flow like a shower

Yes. This is strictly for men. Not for women. But which of our affairs in this world is strictly for us? Which of the women’s…

Yes. This is strictly for men. Not for women. But which of our affairs in this world is strictly for us? Which of the women’s affairs are strictly for them? Is it not true that women, being the bearers of men, are usually the inheritors of men’s estates? Is it not true that the reason she goes through those ‘rituals’ every morning is to restrain the other from partaking of her ‘estate’ (her man)?

The other day I passed through a popular GRA in that city, I discovered that almost all the houses, the mansions, the beautiful dwellings and encampments have all lost their original owners; I meant their first owners, the male landlords. I meant those men who built those house mansions have all gone. The Serikis, the chiefs and the Babangidas have all passed on to eternity. Their estates, some of which they built out of questionable means, are now firmly in the hands of their “real” owners- the Madams, the “Mamangidas”.

Pity his destiny- the destiny of the man born of the womb – his is to make the fortune; hers is to spend it; his is to build the ‘world’, hers is to live and enjoy it. The other day I was asked to define who a man is. Knowledge and experience immediately came to my aid. I looked at my interlocutor straight in the eyes and said: “a man is he whose beloved wife has not killed him out of love”.

Today’s essay is therefore not, in the first instance, for her but for you. It is for my male compatriots, the bearers of the phallus. For quite sometime now, each time he entered what Americans refer to as ‘the rest room’ to pee something strange would happen. His urine streams has taken a new dimension. Instead of busting out of the urethra and flow straight like water from a pipe, his urine now flows like water coming from inside a shower. It is the intervention from a brother who is imbued with knowledge that forms the crux of today’s essay.

According to him, signs of prostate dysfunction are many. These sometimes include urine incontinence. It might equally include the condition which I have described above. If this condition is not attended to on time, the person in question runs the risk of coming down with prostate enlargement and other illnesses the pain of which is better left for imagination. The question then becomes urgent and important: how do we correct this situation? How do we begin to repair what is ours in order for us to live and enjoy life, in order for us to avoid a life of misery and misfortune?

Luckily the remedy for this situation is there beside you, in your food, in the vegetable you and I eat on daily basis though not in the right combination. The Almighty has beckoned on us to ponder our food; in our food and drinks lies the cure for the illnesses that assail us. Three different vegetables are what we need: he called them the three “C”: Cabbage, Carrot and Cucumber. Two other items are key: olive oil and locust beans.

It is at this juncture she takes control, as usual, of your ‘destiny’ and mine. She brings her expertise in turning water to juice to bear on the above items. She would chop the three “C” into bits. She would use her knowledge of your eating habits to determine what quantity would be enough for you. She would get a bottle of olive oil, pour at least three spoonful into a frying pan. She would bring the oil to reasonable boiling level and quickly put all the chopped three “C”s into it. She would equally add one spoon-full of locust bean into the mix. The idea is for these wonderful meal to feel the pressure of ‘togetherness’ inside the frying pan; it is not intended to turn the ‘union’ of the three “C” into a hell. In other words, the vegetable should not be fried like you would your ripe plantain. The fresher the vegetable remains the better.  “Babangida” should thereafter sit around the dining table and enjoy himself.

Experience has shown that consumption of this vegetable works towards improving the performance of the prostate. Experience has also shown that the three “C”s equally improve the performance of the phallus.  In other words, medics have said that when the phallus “wakes up” strong very early every morning, even before tahajjud, that means the ‘man’ has not yet died in him; that means she can still find some use for him.

Thus we must begin to conclude by going back to the beginning of this essay- that the estate built by men belongs to the home-owner, their women. It appears as if it is the nature of things that the male in creation should answer the last call first before its female counterpart.

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