When trust is lost!

Not all trust once broken can be rebuilt as some experiences had proven, but you can regain lost trust if you really put your heart to it, you must, however, understand what trust is.

Trust is the most foundational block of any relationship. Trust is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely, love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty. Without trust you may get feelings, you may get the high of the “moment,” you may get patience and tolerance but nothing will provide the strength and the solidity you need for a lasting relationship as trust. Why? Because the root of trust is what you believe about the other person. And your belief about the other person is the accumulation of experiences that have either affirmed or corroded the original commitment or promise.

Trust is born in the way the other person registers in our trust radar. Finally what you come to believe about another person is what directs your behaviour and actions towards that person. So, trust is critical to the dynamics of any relationship, whether it is a business, politics, a working environment, marriage, family or friendships.

Having trust and faith in someone is vital to making any relationship last longer especially in marriage. There are some times in our lives in marriage that we tend to lose the trust we had for our spouses because of some certain things that might have happened. When your trust is broken you feel so betrayed and heartbroken that you tend to find yourself asking if you can ever find yourself trusting that person ever again. You want to hate that person till eternity. However, sometimes things are not that easy especially in instances where kids are involved. Love can be a very complex thing. It has its ups and downs and can make you feel like being in heaven or hell.

Sometimes, forgiveness can happen and trust can be regained. It won’t be an easy, smooth road but with hard work, it can be achieved. So, the question is where and how do you start in terms of regaining trust in your marriage?  At the root of all trust is a betrayal. The betrayed person will go through life seeing herself as a less desirable person than others or believing herself to be unlovable.  When trust is lost in a marriage, the woman automatically tries to keep her spouse at a distance in anticipation of trying to decide how best to live with him knowing that she might never bring herself to trusting him again and again. In, situation, such as this, how long can a woman keep a distance from her husband to avoid being heartbroken again?

To work through your trust issues, you need to recognize the source of betrayal and its unusual reoccurrence. If you have been wearing a mask of ‘I do not care’ or ‘ I do not need anybody’, it is time to drop the mask and examine yourself on how best to handle the trust issues affecting your matrimonial happiness.

Here are some of the best steps to regain trust without destroying what you already have.

–    Start by asking yourself – what drew you to this person to begin with? What are the pros and cons of staying in the relationship and trying to work it out?

–    Have you discussed the issue yet with your partner? If you haven’t, make sure to take time to relax and regain your composure so you can talk to them in a calm and civil manner. If you don’t you will have a tendency to say things you probably don’t mean and often things that just can’t be taken back which will only mean making things worse. –

–    Take a look at your relationships track record. Is this an isolated incident or is this a growing pattern of distrust amongst both of you?

–    If you decide to really work on the relationship then set realistic boundaries for the two of you. Remember, you are probably not going to be around the person 24 hours a day, so you need to have faith that they are following the boundaries the two of you have set together.

–    Put the past where it belongs – behind you. Constantly bringing up the past will only cause you more grief. You can’t move forward until you have left the past behind you. Want to end a relationship quick? Then keep throwing up the past. It’s a dead ringer for sure. Bringing up the past is of no use for the marriage!

–    Allow some time for yourself. Sometimes you need time to just be alone and with your thoughts. You need time to scream, cry, or do whatever it is you need to do to make yourself feel better and to move ahead.

Rebuilding trust is a process that needs to be worked through. It will take a lot of dedication but if you are determined to succeed, it can happen.

Good people don’t only do good things to get results. They also do the right thing because they know that at the end the greatest reward is looking at themselves in the mirror and knowing they are authentic and honest. That’s what brings the greatest happiness in this life and that’s what it means to live in a trust worthy relationship!