“My mum had a special relationship with her sons; when I said special I mean a very special bond with them. We don’t know how far that relationship went, but we know it was a bit odd. My mum celebrated her sons. We would be out in public and she would say, ‘I have three sons! I’m such a lucky woman!’ She had higher expectations of her sons than of her daughters. To her, girls are born to be child bearers and homemakers. Boys ruled the world in her own perception then but today where are her boys as I can proudly say it is only her daughters that are adequately taking care of her” says Mrs. Jumoke Adegoke an accountant with one of the banks.
In Nigeria today, many have come to believe that once a woman has not put to bed a baby boy she is yet to make an impact in the family. So is the plight of many women who are yet to have male children for their husbands as they are seen to be of no use or good for the family. In desperation to have male child many women have bear the supreme price.
“It is not a situation that I wish for even my enemy as the in-laws could make life so tiring and difficult. I am speaking from experience as I had four girls and they are not seen as human beings but I know that all my tears today will turn to laughter tomorrow even as my husband has abandoned us and has gone to live with the woman that bore him a baby boy”, says Madam Oyekachi Mbafo.
Traditionally Nigeria is a male-dominated society even though women have made tremendous impact in the lives of even the so called male personalities. The constraints women face in the society today start from the home front.
Women in this society of ours face different barriers, deep prejudice and discrimination. Most men argue that why they prefer a male child is for the family’s name and legacy to be sustained; for family property to be inherited and the need to carry on the family tradition and custom. “Stories like these keep baffling me because of the ignorance of the men and sometimes the women who are educated, articulate and career-driven. If I may ask, what is so particular about the male child anyway? In the society in which we live the women folk seem to be doing more than the men. At least I am aware of some women that are bread winners in their homes, so what is the whole noise about”, Catherine Nathaniel queried.
“It is a trend that has taken a toll for the worse as some men now use it as an excuse to take a second wife and only end up in the same situation producing kids that they cannot take care of. I know of a family that wanted only three children but kept on having more children in the name of looking for a male child and ended up having seven female”, says Hassan Bako. He went on further to say “it is only a stupid man that will blame his wife for having female children, it is time for men to realize that they determine and supply the chromosome that produces a male child, so they should stop blaming their wives”
The male preference has gotten so many families into trouble as they end up having illegitimate children outside the home. The so called ‘male child’ ends up being a nuisance in the family and the society at large.
Many societies continue to celebrate the birth of a male-child, while a girl child is received with little or less joy. Most parents preferred, and still prefer, to have male children, probably to carry on the family’s name as heir apparent since their female counterparts will definitely marry and change their maiden name some day. This explains why some men engage in polygamy once the first wife cannot bear a male child and this has also prompted this craze among women to get a male child at all cost for their husbands.
“I do not need to be told that I have one leg in and one leg out as I am yet to give my husband a male child”, Anuli Mark explained. The women folk are indeed faced with too much trouble in the homes to allow such irrelevant issues to bother them for as the saying goes “whatever a man can do a woman does it better”. A child is a child no matter what, it is not about the sex but about the personality and what that child would be able to offer in future. This wrong notion has destroyed so many homes and made many homes poverty stricken. We ought to be counting our blessings rather than making selections for there are many out there that are praying for just any child. A child is a blessing no matter its sex as the era of preference for male child is fast fading away all.
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