When men find reason for polygamy

Reading through some of these responses, one might find out that most men do not even know the prerequisites for marrying more than one wife. Most of them have formed the habit of taking new wives to the extent of neglecting the first wife and her kids likewise, the new wife forgets that the first wife was once like her and whatever goes around surely comes around.

“Some men are just sadist as no matter what you do to satisfy them, they still see you as an old commodity. Well, for me, it is only when you make yourself feel like one (old cargo) that the man will have the chance to make you believe you are so. Whatever goes up will surely come down, whatever the man will do, let him do, he will definitely come back and meet me here because I am his first wife. There is a saying in my language “da tsohuwar zuma ake magani,” says Hajiya Maryam Indo.

It is annoying the way and manner in which some men instantly find faults in their first wives whenever they want to marry again. They begin to accuse her of things she does not  do, condemn her for trivial things such as not being a good cook, does not take care of the house, some even go to the extent of saying that she is an illiterate and he needs a literate wife.  “My fist wife is not educated and considering the trend now I find myself constrained to take an educated woman,” these were the words of Alhaji Abubakar Jabir. When one reads such statements, one is  forced to reason that for him to make such a derogatory statement then, he must either be unrealistic or deceptive. For, if he really appreciates that education is the key to every woman’s success, what stops him from making his wife literate, instead of taking another wife? They will always find excuses to take in more wives but the question is must they always put down the person in the house for them to take another wife? Sometimes, such men are even the ones that denied and discouraged the unfortunate wives at home from furthering their education.

As Mallam Kabir Adam rightly said, polygamy is inborn in every man. Men are generally polygamous in nature as even if they are married to four women they still sometimes have that tendency to have flings outside the home. They have adventures as they seem to see women as chapters in their lives. “Nothing annoys me more than when the husbands show discrimination and preference over the new bride. That is not what the religion stipulated. Some men have fine tuned the privilege of polygamy  to their own convenience,” he observes. “If it were the women that were given the chance to marry up to four husbands, then there would have been war since the beginning of time which would not have ended to date. This is because  man is more jealous than the woman. God has given us a soft heart to bear whatever comes our way and that is why he made the law the way it is. There is nothing wrong in bringing the other woman but when you start neglecting your duties and showing preference, that is where problem starts,” says Hindatu Saleh.

Though one cannot deny the fact that some women push their husbands to take a second wife, but then, that does not give the husbands privilege to ridicule the first wife before the new bride. Any man that wants peace in his home will pave the way for peace by according due respect to the wife in the house as well as the other wives so that every other thing will follow in normalcy.  On the other hand, most men do not want that peace as they feel if their wives Join heads, they will be at the receiving end. They prefer at least one wife to be on their side in case they are at logger heads with the other.

“They complain that we are old so they need to get a young bride forgetting that they are also old. They complain about character and so many other things. Men, they are not reliable at all, that is the only aspect of the religion that suits them most, so just leave them to their fate as it is in their blood and can never change. I just do my best and leave the rest, because no matter what you do, they will always find a way to turn it around,”says  Binta Ali.

It is condemnable how some men blindly take a second wife just for show off which do not last. They should not forget the blessings the first wife brought to the home and those yet to come. So it is wise to accord all wives their due respect and not condemn them before anyone.