When ‘I do’ turns ‘I wish I never….’

There are things no one tells you about marriage; things you may wish you were told, but inevitably, they are discovered after you have been married and surrendered your freedom.

Approaching this subject is not meant to discourage prospective couples or people who are yet to venture into it, but merely to stress the common misconception and reality that is soon discovered. Perhaps, with wisdom and personal growth, accompanied by the acceptance of the coming reality, your marriage can be successful.

That feeling of forever is something that we all crave for once we are married. Young women fantasize and dream of that perfect wedding with that perfect person who they deem of as their soulmate, saying those two words “I do”, which are just as powerful as saying “I Love You”.

Somewhere in life, we meet that perfect person and experience unbelievable moments and then poof! The next time we blink, we are waking up beside that person, acknowledging the fact that this is your life now, for better, for worse. Then it really begins to sink in and you begin to ask yourself, did I make the right decision? Do I really love this person as much as I think I did? Those are the dreaded questions we would rather not ask ourselves and just be confident in the decision that we made no matter the circumstances.

So, where do we go wrong? Is it the fact that we fully do not get to know the person we chose as our forever? Or maybe it is the reality of understanding that this is it now, and that you made a commitment that you are forced to stick with, whether you are happy or not. On one end, the movies we watched as kids had fairy tale endings and a happily ever after myth, and then we grow up and are exposed to soap operas, talk shows and dramatic movies that overtly or inadvertently tell us that nothing lasts forever.

First, you have to realise that the ‘honeymoon phase’ will not last forever. The key is to do things together on a regular basis that helps you bring back those feelings that get lost in our various day to day lives. For instance, if you like going out to eat or, even feed each other, try doing it once in a while when married. It may make you feel a little goofy but that’s a good thing and the essence of keeping the flame of love burning.

The next thing that you have to focus on is keeping your household straight in as many areas as possible. The fewer things you both have to worry about when you are at home together, the better. If you have to worry about the bills or cleaning and chores when it really should be relaxing time, then you do not get to relax with each other. If the time together is stressed, it leads to a subconscious feeling of anxiety when you come home which makes your relationship tense. To remedy this, make a list of chores for the family and allocate them as equally as possible. Everyone should have something that they do not mind doing.

Finally, do not forget to tell your spouse how much they mean to you on a regular basis. Life is too short to not let them know. You can never hear ‘I love you’ too many times. Keep giving hugs and kisses.  Little pecks and hugs when you are saying good bye and hello. Wave to your spouse when they are leaving or welcome them home at the door that way they know you miss them when they are not there.

It is little things that make the biggest difference when you are trying to keep your connection strong. Everything that you can do to keep things going smoothly will help you when things get a little rocky.  No one ever tells you that marriage is full of its ups and downs, it is surely one school you keep learning different things on a daily basis and many do not want to graduate from, no matter what!

Learn that there is more to marriage than just being in it or being refered to as a Mrs. Somebody. It takes a lot of sacrifice and patience to stay focused in marriage and make it a successful one.