When counter-discipline goes wrong

Disciplining a child falls on the shoulders of both parents and even the society. Parents are the first people children get discipline from and as they grow older, parents and the society have joint responsibility. 

While discipline is an important aspect for the development of a child, countering a disciplinary measure for a child can be counterproductive and very dangerous. Mrs. Umar explains that her husband is always getting their 12-year-old son to disregard whatever punishment she gives him. She asks if this is right as she feels hurt. 

Aisha Haliru, 37- year-old accountant, says “Hubby or not, it’s best to discipline these kids when they exhibit behaviours that shouldn’t be, because when they grow with it, people will point accusing fingers at the mother and never the father. They will always tell the child that ‘Your mother didn’t give you good home training’. On the other hand, any man or even woman that engages in countering whatever disciplinary measure his/her partner is giving a child should desist from it. This is another form of emotional torture and blackmail for the partner whose disciplinary measure is been countered.”

Hauwa Abba, 37-year-old nurse, says, “This is an issue that should not be taken for granted because when one parent starts to counter the other when it comes to disciplining a child, we create room for a stubborn and disrespectful child. When the concerned partner notices this trend, the best thing is to have a heart-to-heart talk with the erring partner to let him/her know the implications of countering a disciplinary measure being given to a child. Let him/her understand that the best is what is desired for the child when he is being disciplined and it should be a joint effort by both parents, and not by one person with the other countering.”

Ramatu Bala, 40-year-old principal, asks “this correction you talk about, do you do it with love? Maybe, you do it harshly and that’s why your hubby is against it. It’s best you both sit and discuss the best disciplinary actions to take when it comes to punishing a child. Countering your decision isn’t the best for the child and its best you both discuss it before she gets too used to daddy’s protection, which could eventually bring embarrassment to both of you. But the bottom line is to punish with love as that is the only way you can get the child to change his/her ways and also learn.” 

Ahmed Mohammed, 40-year-old manager, says “Father and daughters are best friends. Fathers don’t feel good when their daughters are being punished, they feel obliged to come to her rescue and yes, even that can lead to a quarrel between husband and wife. As a father, we all know how fathers are more protective of their daughter than their sons. What you should bear in mind is never punish your daughter in your hubby’s presence otherwise you will definitely feel offended because he will always take sides with your daughter. The best thing is to talk it over with him, if his countering is getting out of control. On the other side, appeal to your hubby to desist from countering your instructions as it might have a counter effect for you and even him in the long run. I am a father and I understand that sometimes children need to be punished to make them understand that what they did wasn’t right.”