When a spouse is extravagant

Some people have the habit of spending extravagantly. While some try to change when they get into relationships, or finally get married, others find it very difficult to stop. How would you manage/handle an extravagant partner or spouse?

When it comes to spending, especially when you were single, you are very thrifty about the way you do it. In other words, you’ve been careful about money all your life – paying off your debts on time, gathered a large amount of savings while doing it.

But things changed when you got married. Your spouse’s attitude towards money is totally different from yours. He or she lives for the moment, thinks nothing of buying an expensive item daily, loves to appear generous by always treating friends and family to dinner or hangouts et al.

Money issues are the leading cause of stress in relationships. If you’ve ever been with someone who mismanages their finances, that’s probably not very surprising.

LifeXtra spoke to a few people.

Martha Edor, who resides in Makurdi, said “I will try to know how much his salary is, and then I will suggest that he spends a certain amount and save the rest. I will even open a joint account with him where he can be depositing the money so that if he makes any withdrawal, I would know.”

Speaking further, she added “I will also advise him to always make a list of what he wants to buy to avoid unnecessary expenses. That way, it will be easy to check his spending.”

“I don’t pray to marry a woman who spends too much because such a person can amass debts for me. However, if it happens, then I will let her know that I can’t continue with her unnecessary spending,” said Jos-based engineer, Jonathan Edor.

Edor added that he will only give her money for things that are necessary such as making her hair, buying new clothes once in a while and some pocket money for other basic things. “However, if she wants to buy all the clothes in a super market, then she’ll need to look for a good job that can take care of her expensive habits because I won’t give her such money.”

Efe Joy, self-employed and a Jos resident stated “If he keeps spending anytime he has the money, then it is a habit he formed a long time ago. You can’t just tell a man to stop or desist from such habit in a day or even a month.”

Explaining what she meant by that, she explained “I will constantly remind him that the friends he keeps hanging out with may not always be there when the money doesn’t come as it used to.”

The article “What to Do If Your Partner Has a Spending Problem”, says  the best way to handle it is “When you prepare to confront a partner or spouse about their overspending, try to come from a place of understanding instead of criticism. No matter how badly they screwed up, you need to figure out why it happened and how to avoid it in the future. This is not the time for name calling.”

The article adds “The key is to frame the issue as something you both need to tackle together, rather than a flaw your partner needs to correct by themselves. They likely have issues that do need to be addressed, but they’ll come to that conclusion more easily if they feel supported and understood.”