When a spouse hides a love child

Ally and Misa (not real names) were so much in love during their courtship that their wedding became the talk of the town when they finally tied the knot. Unknown to Ally, Misa had a daughter before they even met. One rainy evening while Ally was resting, there was a knock at the door. When she answered it, before 5her stood a woman with a little girl of about three years old who looked every inch like Misa. She did not need a soothsayer to tell her that the child was his.

That night, her trust for Misa simply went down the drain. She was shocked beyond words that her husband could hide such sensitive information from her. This is one of the many scenarios that play out globally. Most people find it difficult to tell their spouses about the life they had lived and this has had a damaging effect on their marriages. It has also, in some cases, made the ‘cheated’ spouse look outside for ‘comfort,’ thereby increasing the already rising tension in the home. This why Life Xtra sought to known what a cross section of people think about this vexing issue.

Accountancy student Evelyn Yohanna says she will not worry about the love-child because he or she is innocent and may be of help to her in the future but will be mad at her spouse for hiding the fact from her.

She asked rhetorically: “How would he feel if I was the one that hid such information from him?” But she will forgive him because of the love she has for him “because love conquers all.”

For poet Awodiya Funke the fact that the information was hidden from her means that her spouse is not mature enough to discuss his past. “That’s a serious damage to the ‘marriage ‘ because every marriage should be built on trust and such sensitive issues must be discussed before marriage,” she notes.

Funke however, said his reaction to her discovery of his love-child would determine her next move: “If I sense remorse, I will forgive him and move on but if it’s otherwise, then that is the end of the relationship.”

Airdee Erhimee, a 25-year-old entrepreneur, says there is nothing wrong as long as they were already married. “I’d get angry, lose trust but in the end, we would have to patch things up and come to a compromise,” she said. “His child is his as long as the mother of the love child does not interfere with my marriage.”

And what do the men think? Adelaja Adeoye, a businessman, sees it as heart-rending: “I’ll be sad and never trust her. If she can conceal such information from me, it shows she packaged herself or forced herself on me. In such situation, the marriage may have to be renegotiated because the love can’t and won’t remain the same.”

Rotimi Taofik seems unruffled because everyone has a secret. “I will tell her not to keep such secrets from me and this could even be an opportunity for her to tell me about other secrets because if I get to know them that will end of our marriage.”