What would you do if a friend betrays you?

Friendship is one of the things that make life worth living, but what happens when your close friend betrays you? LifeXtra takes a look.

Betrayal is the act of someone violating your trust in them. It is not a pleasant experience; but it hurts more when it comes from someone very close to you.

LifeXtra sought people’s opinions on betrayal by a close friend or relative.

“Sometimes, I resolve it quietly for the sake of the friendship but if it poses danger or ruins my reputation, I simply walk away,” Amama Benedict, a Jos-based social media marketer, told LifeXtra.

Jonathan Edor, an engineer, said “Betrayals hurt at first. It could come from your best friend, or in rare cases, your family member or relatives.”

Speaking further, he added “Your trust in them is broken – you become upset, resentful and a vacuum is created in your heart as you’d no longer see that person as your friend.”

For Charles Ikechukwu, an Abuja-based hospitality consultant, it’s a different ball game. “For me, it’s as simple as ABC. I would simply find new friends and move on.”

When LifeXtra asked how? He said, “I get rid of any memory that has to do with them. I delete all correspondences from them – emails, photos, text messages et al.”

“I am very choosy when it comes to making friends,” Shulammite Excel said.

She added, “I have been told I have trust issues but then, I’m only trying to avoid a situation where I am betrayed by someone I call my friend.”

“What if it happens?” LifeXtra asked.

“Well, I would bear the consequences and try to look carefully next time,” she said.

The article “Getting past a friend’s betrayal” on liveaboutdotcom, advises “Figure out which kind of betrayal you’re dealing with. A betrayal to one person doesn’t mean the same to someone else. Figure out if your friend’s actions were truly a betrayal and then give yourself a short time to reflect.”

It added “forgive even when you don’t stay friends. The first step in moving on is forgiveness, especially when you don’t feel like it. Make the decision that you will forgive, then work on this emotion and let it transform your feelings. The decision to forgive needs to come first though.”

In an article ‘7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Betrayed’ on www.oprah.com, Deepak Chopra says, “After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to wound the person who hurt us-as deeply and as excruciatingly-as we’ve been wounded, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But neither of these tactics work. Wounding words tend to boomerang and make you feel as terrible as the person you wanted to hurt. Forgiveness, especially if halfhearted, tends to come off as condescension.

There are actions, though, that you can take to heal yourself. Every hurt has its own story, and so does every healing. But we can say this: You can heal yourself when you’ve filled the hole left behind by a betrayal, and you can heal the other person when you sincerely drop the need for revenge.”