What wives think about mother in-laws

The talk of mother in-laws gets most wives agitated. There is always this imaginary rivalry between the two most important women in the life of the husband/son, thereby putting the ‘macho’ man in a fix. There are instances the man has been put on the hot seat by both women to choose who is more important in his life. A very difficult situation I would say and also very unnecessary and selfish on the part of both women. Well, whatever, any right thinking man would go for his mother.
The following is the reaction of Hajiya Asmau Ibrahim a Medical practitioner based in Abuja, “before I got married I always wished that the mother of the man I would marry would be late. I don’t know why I wanted that, but I think it has to do with the kind of stories I heard of daughter in-laws and mother in-laws. The stories were never palatable; there is always this unseeingly endless rivalry between both women. Both always wanted the attention of the man in concern. I just felt what the point was if you get married to a man and at the end of the day you will have to put up with the trouble and drama from his family especially from his mother. So, I just thought maybe I should get married to a man whose mother was late to safe myself all the stress. As I grew older, I told myself if I wish someone dead it will come to a point in life when someone would also wish me dead before they get married to my son. You never can tell, what goes around comes around.”
“Today I have a mother in-law, this is not to say that we don’t have problems from time to time, but it is not as bad as some people make it seem. I have tried to make sure I work out some measures in dealing with our issues without involving my husband. If we continue to play the cat and mouse game, it will have very negative impact on him. Even if he tries to be strong and pretend that it does not disturb him,  deep down it does. If we lose him due to stress or High Blood Pressure, of what good would it be to both of us?. In fact, it would do me grievous harm, so, I would rather put up with his mother’s issues than give him stress and loose him. It’s not easy, but I have to try and wave through the situation. We are all humans and cannot expect everyone to be perfect.”
According to Halimatu Sadiya Salim, an educationist, “it is normal for every mother to be protective of her sons even after they are married. Generally women have this perception that they can control their men; and women grow into old age with this perception. They also think that the woman son’s wife would also want to do that. In trying to protect her son over nothing, the wife gets a message that her mother in-law is over stepping her boundaries in the marriage and that is the beginning of the gang war between both women. Second, it may seem cliché, but in talking with men about the perfect woman and just who exactly she is, it really comes down to whether or not a particular woman is perfect for them and his mother. Yes, a man wants a woman who will respect his mother despite her faults. I keep telling anyone who wishes to listen to me that there is a very thin line between getting the love and respect of a mother in-law and the hatred and disrespect of the same mother in-law. Everything in life is reciprocal. Never the less, I always advocate that wives should study their mother in-laws before they finally decide you want to go into the marriage.”
“The whole thing is never certain. I would rather study and know my mother in-law and possibly get her blessings to make sure she is in support of the marriage. If she is not, then that is the beginning of trouble in your home, that is if I over look that and go ahead to marry my man. I am not ignoring the fact that some mother in-laws are also very good at pretending that all is well at the beginning, but show their real colours later in the marriage. I always advice that asides studying her, one should try and get from friends and relatives the kind of person she is. These are the people who can really tell you what kind of mother in-law she would be. You don’t expect your husband to tell you his mother is difficult or a trouble maker,” Mrs. Amaka Chinedu, a civil servant, said.
The relationship between daughter in-laws and mother in-laws could be frosty, but according to Pastor (Mrs) Chika Emmanuel, Marriage Counsellor, says “marriage is something we all must make sacrifices to help grow and sustain it. As a wife, there are certain things we must all do to make the home work even at the peak of great challenges. As for the mother in-law clashes there are some simple steps we can do to make the relationship perfect with our mother in-laws.
“First and most importantly she is the mother of your husband and so deserves all the respect she can get from us no matter her character or behaviour. Even if she doesn’t appreciate it, it doesn’t stop you from still giving her your respect. Change is the only constant thing, so one day she would have no choice than to reciprocate and appreciate your efforts towards trying to make the relationship work.
“Communication should play a very vital role in relationship. If you feel she has wronged you, you should find time to discuss with her calmly and not rudely that she has wronged you. She might open up and tell you why she did what she did or maybe it was unconsciously and she might even apologise. The bottom line is that she knows that you appreciate her and you are willing to communicate with her rather than stock up for revenge.
“Mother In-laws are very sensitive people and always want attention. As a daughter in-law you should look out for her welfare and always be there for her at all times. A listening ear could be all that could make her feel loved and wanted. Your smile towards her even when she is being very troublesome can warm her heart. This way she sees you as a daughter and not a daughter in-law. Lastly, look and treat her as you would wish your own mother to be treated. If you really love your husband you would love his mother.”
Working for that perfect daughter in-law mother in-law relationship sure has its challenges but you are sure it’s going to pay off at the end.