What makes a marriage successful?

\During a group discussion some time back, there was this view that wives were responsible for husbands cheating on them. Many however argued that a cheating partner (man) will always show his traits notwithstanding if the odds are in her favour.

As the argument raged, women were accused of jettisoning romance as soon as the wedding band in slipped on their fingers. “They begin to treat their husbands less than the king he was before marriage; they dress solely for parties and look awkward for their husbands unlike when they dressed for his pleasure. The wife discards courtesy after marriage amongst other things.”

How then does a marriage work in this situation where all the spices that kept the relationship going before marriage is gone?

Feyi Babalola, 40-year-old accountant, does not agree with the view about the woman. He asked, “After all these years, why is it only the woman that is expected to make out time for her man? The woman also needs to be cared for all the time. Most men feel they don’t need to go the extra mile for the woman since she has now become his wife. So, after marriage the woman becomes irrelevant.”

Bayo Gabriel, 41-year-old engineer, says, “I am the only male among my siblings and maybe that has made me see things from a different perspective. I must say, it is not easy to be a woman not to talk of being a wife. When women get married, they become wives and forget how to be lovers. It is not their fault. So as men, we could assist in helping them become more relaxed and not too stressed from what society expects from them. Wives tend to forget to be romantic because a lot is expected of them when they become wives and it’s even worse when they become mothers. If she tries to display any kind of romance with her hubby publicly, she is termed as wayward. This is a fact in our society. If you ask me, extended families and societal expectations are the major reasons marriages crash in our society.”

Sarah John, 39-year-old lawyer, says, “A wife sacrifices her life after marriage, she gives her all. You think it’s easy to be pregnant for nine months and start raising children? She makes sure she fits into every aspect of her home. A wife is a nanny, a wife is an adviser, a wife is a cook, a wife is a mother not just to her children but to her husband, a wife is a bear-it-all. But a mistress has just one focus -to destroy a man’s lovely home by deceiving herself that she is better than a man’s wife.”

Margret Ike, 40-year-old mother of three, asks a question, “What about a wife who does everything for her man but he still goes out to someone else because he believes he’s entitled to cheat or keep a woman even after marriage? We need to stop deceiving ourselves; for a marriage to work, it must be joint effort from both the husband and wife. There are no two ways about it, period!”