All roads lead to Nouakchott.
Where is that?
The Mauritanian capital.
What’s going on there, the African Olympics or the World Cup?
None of the above.
When you say all roads lead somewhere, something important must be happening there.
You’re right. Something very important is happening in Nouakchott today.
Oh really. I must be behind the news. Please fill me in.
A very iconic honour is being given away.
Oh, finally is the Nobel Prize ceremony moving out of Stockholm, Sweden?
Leave the Swedes out of this. This event is one of the most important things to happen to Africa in a while.
Then blurt it out instead of going round in circles.
Our own leader, President Muhammadu Buhari is being crowned Africa’s Peace Ambassador today.
Oh, I thought he is a Daura-born citizen with nominal relatives in Niger, I didn’t know he had roots in Mauritania too.
Nonsense, coronation is not always synonymous with the cheap chieftaincy titles you’re accustomed to. The unwavering commitment of our president to global peace is finally being recognised.
I see.
You see nothing.
Why?
Because you guys don’t recognise prophets in their home base. It has always taken outsiders to recognise the true worth of our leaders. Our leaders usually get their recognitions from outside the country.
Okay!
Recently, President Boni Yayi poured encomiums on our president, but you were one of those who lampooned him.
I thought it was rather ironic.
Why?
Well Buhari closed down the borders with Benin.
So?
We all know what a border closure does to a country that relies on Nigeria’s oil and smuggling routes.
Well, did Benin survive the assault?
It did.
In spite of the closure.
Yes.
So, as my online friend would ask – what’s the shape, colour and size of your trouble?
I was just wondering… Anyway so, now it’s the Mauritanians.
Well, not just them; the ‘African Award for Strengthening Peace’ is an initiative of the Abu Dhabi Peace Forum.
Sorry my geography is dated, but isn’t Mauritania in northern Africa?
Yes, it is.
And Abu Dhabi is the capital of the UAE a.k.a Dubai.
You got it.
So, these foreigners know Buhari’s commitment to peace better than the people of Southern Kaduna?
What has Southern Kaduna got to do with this?
They’ve wanted peace for the eight years of the Buhari presidency and all they get is ceaseless bloodshed.
These things happen, you can’t blame Buhari for everything.
You’re right and I’m not blaming him for COVID-19 because it’s not his fault. I’m not blaming him for the carnage that Zelensky’s stupidity unleashes on Ukraine; it’s not Buhari’s fault.
Right.
But I blame Buhari for the 50 attacks on INEC facilities in 15 states of Nigeria’s 36-state structure and the zero arrests or show of compassion to the nation and the victims. I blame him for pretending that Rev Father Isaac Achi’s murder in Paikoro, Niger State is not an issue. I blame him for the two local governments left in the hands of Boko Haram in Borno. I blame him for the plight of the villagers dislodged from their communities in Niger State who need compassion and action to return to their homestead but have so far received a cold shoulder from their president.
You see…
I see nothing. I think Buhari should not take this award.
It’s too late; he already jumped on Eagle One and left for Nouakchott with his service chiefs.
You mean he went with his service chiefs?
Well, he went with the foreign minister, his defence minister, his national security adviser and the Director General of the National Intelligence Agency, NIA.
I see.
You see what?
I get the irony. He went with the same people whose indolence, inefficiency and ineffectiveness contributed to the current state of unprecedented insecurity, lawlessness and bloodletting in the land.
Huum!
I mean these are the people in whose hands Buhari invested the security of the nation. The same ones who are caught napping and he rewards them with a junket for a worthless award.
Well…
It’s like Buhari is asking them to come and witness the irony of his own failure.
How?
Don’t ask me how. By the way, the Abu Dhabi Peace Forum, do they know about the crisis in Yemen?
They should.
What role have they played in ending it?
Well…
Are they aware of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
Well, they only came together in 2014, so it’s perhaps too early to blame them for not solving all the senseless wars in the Middle East.
Forget the world, I am talking about the problems in their own backyard. I am saying their charity should start from their own homes. I am saying that this award is not only suspect, it is not worth the plague nor the carbon footprints that Buhari has now invested in attending it. Who garlands a man as peace ambassador whose own house is caked in the blood of the innocent and whose closet is filled with broken bones?
I knew it.
You knew what?
That you’d find everything wrong with the award. You are an incurable wailer. Tell you what; nobody needs your endorsement to give awards. Buhari deserves this recognition.
The Abu Dhabi Peace Initiative guys don’t live in Imo, where INEC offices have been attacked and the spokesman for the CUPP house burnt. They don’t live in Benue, Niger, Zamfara or Kaduna where entire villages are razed. What do they know about peace or Buhari’s commitment to it when Nigeria is more divided today than ever; when their own backyard is filled with the putrescence of dead men’s bones and starving children?
Don’t worry, Buhari would soon leave and we’ll see what happens to your bad belly.
I have nothing personal against Buhari; I am surprised that after several failures to return to power, his final success happens to demystify him.
How?
You know what the sages say, that it is better to keep quiet and be thought wise than to open your mouth and erase all doubts. It would have been better for Buhari to enjoy his obscurity in Kaduna or Daura; his obsession with and return to power has erased all the myth that should have gone with him to his grave.
He’ll soon leave and you can drink your tea in peace.
Are you sure he’ll leave?
Of course, it’s a commitment.
INEC doesn’t think he knows the ordeal they’re up against.
Lai Mohammed says the transition deal is sealed.
There’s more to making that happen than pure wishful thinking. An eye that would serve a lifetime does not begin its journey by oozing watery discharge.
