What goes around comes around

A first time mum is bothered that her mother-in-law has overstayed her welcome after she came to assist her with her new baby.

“My mother-in-law has been around for the past seven months and my baby is now six months old. I am not too comfortable as she is not showing any sign of leaving soon. I’m particularly worried because I have heard about how people have accommodated their mothers-in-law and they eventually turned out to be rivals and enemies. I wouldn’t want to find myself in that situation.”

Hauwa Mustapha, 40-year-old civil servant, believes that “We are all humans and are bound to cross each other’s paths negatively or positively. That said, we should however not judge based on what others may have gone through or said. As a mother, she has a right to stay in her son’s house as long as she is not crossing her boundaries. I would advice the wife to just be herself and give her unreserved respect which she deserves. That way, peace would reign in the house. As a new mum, she sure has love for her baby and would want to be around the baby. That is the same way her mother-in-law feels about her husband.

Martha Johnson, 40-year-old teacher, says “Generally speaking, we all need wisdom and a whole lot of patience to be able to stay with fellow human beings, including mothers-in-law. First, the lady in question should also remember that someday she will become a mother-in-law too. So, it would be advisable to treat her mother-in-law the way she would want to be treated in future by her son/daughter-in-law. The law of karma is certain – what goes around comes around. If she treats her nicely, she will surely be treated kindly when she also becomes a mother-in-law. But my question is: if it was her mother in the house, would she also assume what has been said about mothers-in-law?”

Rose Essien, 42-year-old consultant, argues that “Not all mothers-in-law are terrible. We have a few that are really dramatic and terrible. Some mothers-in-laws can be very cantankerous and make life a living hell for their daughter or son-in-law. When such is noticed from such mother-in-law, the best thing is to device ways of staying in peace with them because insisting that they leave will only create more trouble for you as a wife among family members. My advice is: no matter the circumstance, no maltreatment should be meted to mothers-in-law no matter how they treat us. Patience is a virtue and a patient dog always eats the fleshiest bone.”

Zahra Musa, 38-year-old entrepreneur, advices “I usually tell my friends whenever we discuss such issues that they should always pray that when such situations befall them, their mother-in-law should be their best friends and not an enemy. To be honest, you don’t want to be in enmity with your mother-in-law. Even if she is mean, still be a friend with her; trust me you will get a lot of people that will fight your war for you without you even partaking in it. We need to face it, we are in a corner of the world where in-laws are hard to deal with and when we try to change the status quo, we buy trouble for ourselves as wives. It’s never going to be rosy all the time, which is why you will need to apply a lot patience, wisdom and diplomacy. I also believe in the saying that what goes around comes around. ”