What are your reasons for getting married?

It’s no longer strange to hear of couples, after courting for three months, getting married and deciding to start a journey of a lifetime together. For some, three months may be long, for others, it is a short period. How much partners know of each other is an issue that cannot be wished away, though we have heard of marriages that had been contracted within two hours of partners first meeting themselves.  And a couple of couples from such accidental marriages are living happily with the attendant challenges.

There is a thing called love at first sight. Many partners have gone into marriages from it. Like the above situation, marriages from love at first sight have been either successful or otherwise. “Love at first sight could also be lust at first sight,” says Dr. Bolanle Sodipe, a consultant gynecologist.

Marriage is a serious union which should not be taken for granted by couples. It is something that couples should be ready for, as it is a union that should last for life. Instances abound when people, especially young couples, just go in for the fun of it. Yes, fun! Fun is only an aspect in the list of very important marriage traditions that should be taken very seriously. Anybody or couple going into marriage for the fun of it alone better do a rethink for the simple reason that fun is but a temporary thing in an institution that is expected to last a lifetime.

Ayeesha Rilwan, an Abuja-based Marriage Consultant said she has seen a situation where the focus is just on the kind of wedding reception the bride and groom want. “All energy and huge sums of money are pumped into the ceremony to make it a grand one that would be the talk of the town. There is little attention given to virtues that ensure the success of a marriage. For such couples, the wedding reception is the marriage itself and nothing more. Little wonder why such marriages do not last.” Another respondent has a different view. “Couples sometimes confuse likeness for love, but only realize that the real feeling they had for one another was nothing but mere infatuation. When this happens it becomes a problem in the marriage as they can no longer communicate. They tend to find comfort in other things other than their spouses. This is infidelity creeping in and when there is a child involved, it worsens the situation because the child in most cases bears the brunt of such a cold war.”

“Most times when people tell me they want to wed, I ask them to ask themselves some questions,” says Hajiya Ramatu Kabir, a grandmother and retired civil servant. “Do they understand the nature of marriage? Do they understand what marriage life is all about? Do they love their partners for who they are? Why do they want to get married to this person? I might be old and old-fashioned but the values of marriage are they same everywhere in the world. Marriage is for better and worse, that is what most couples should understand.”

Parents tend to exert pressure on their children to get married even when the children are not ready. This sometimes leads the children to make a hasty decision and settling for anyone. Social pressure is somehow a psychological thing as many presume that if you are not married you are not respected in the society, forgetting that this is a very wrong reason to get married in the first place. “You could be single and still have your respect in the society if you act decently. I have had so many friends go into marriage for that reason and have also had them rushing out for some other reasons. Marriage is one thing we cannot compromise. So I would not agree to the societal belief that if one is not married, one would not be respected in the society,” says Tobi Aina Obalaje.

We are carried away by the beauty or handsomeness of a lady or a guy and instantly decide, ‘I must have her/him as a wife/ husband!’ Being in love is a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong, however, just because you’re in love doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get married. Besides love, a lot of other factors are important to consider when deciding whether to take that next step. Are you both physically and psychologically compatible? Do you agree on vital life issues, like where to live? Have you been together for the required and necessary time? These questions are all important. So, while you are in your fantasy world of having that one-in-town wedding, it would be wise to also think of the commitment.