Weigh your words

It then becomes terrifying when somebody says ‘if your mother can die, my father too can die. Insinuating it’s no big deal to lose a mother; or as in the case of P Square last week, when their reaction to rumours insinuating that they killed their mother for money and fame was widely reported online.

These are heavy handed statements to make and people need to watch and weigh their comments before they pronounce them, respondents say.

“I was shocked to my bones when I read the reports online that the P Square duo’s response to accusations f their killing their mother for fame and money, says Grace Anabo. The interior decorator said, “My initial response was ‘ignore them. Don’t bother to glorify their pettiness and stupidity with an answer’. Then I said, people really talk carelessly and truly don’t know what, when and how to say certain things. Not that a speculation as this, is one that should be encouraged in the first place.”

“A lot of people just open their mouths and voice out any rubbish they conjure in their heads without first thinking how it will impact on the person who receives the message,” says Felix Abayomi.

The forty two year-old ceramist said, “These kinds of conversations usually occur when people want to be malicious. But even for joke it would be quite an insensitive one to crack no matter how close you are to the person. It’s sad that Nigerians sill don’t know where to draw the line with such things.

“When they see the reactions that have been provoked as a result of this, they begin sheepish apologies. Why say it in the first without first thinking it through?”

Narrating a similar experience to P Square’s, Sa’a Momodu says, “My ex-boyfriend and I had a misunderstanding. When my cousin tried to intervene and get him to understand that I had just lost my mother and he needed to be patient with me, his response was, ‘if her mother can die, my father too can die’. I guess this was an insinuation that it wasn’t a big deal for me to loose my mum.”

Momodu says it was the most shocking thing she had heard said to anyone let alone coming from somebody who was right there when she received the call that her mother had stopped breathing.

In response to this, Mr. Abraham Ekpeki, a sociologist and currently a post graduate diploma student of psychology, says such people who make remarks like this usually say it with an air of pride. “But this pride is absolutely misplaced and could best be described as arrogance. If you also observe, they are boastful in their mannerisms and body language when saying this and could also be shallow in their analysis of such matters.”

Rather than get angry with them, Ekpeki says, “one should sympathize with them because they do not have an understanding of what life is about. Any reasonable human being, even a child would know that such a thing is heavy handed and should not be uttered. But as they say, ‘many talk and then think later’. But then it’s too late to take the words back.”

For Hashim Salisu, some of these things said may have been voiced because the ‘victims’ have in some way or the other contributed to the talk. “Talking generally and on a broader perspective, without making excuses for anybody and without referring to any of these particular cases, some of us actually do give room for people to say negative things about us. Unfortunately, these negative things are what people are most interested in.

“It may be intentional and it may not be. But we also have to apply caution to the things we do and say. You are not in the head of the listener and don’t now how he interprets what you say or do. Even when his interpretation is in line with your thoughts you cannot guarantee that when he spreads the message/news he will spread the truth. So, be careful what vibes you are letting off.”