Ways to be angry without negativity

Transfer of aggression is one emotion most people tend to have in-born. When we are offended by someone, we tend to at most times pour out our annoyance and aggression on the offender. Sometimes, the offence could be based on total ignorance.

Mothers are guilty of this as they transfer their anger or aggression on their kids when they are angered sometimes by their husbands and vice versa.

We cannot deny the fact that most married women when angered by their husbands tend to transfer the annoyance and aggression to the kids to spite husbands because they feel by doing so, they are equally  getting at their  husbands. However, in the long run, the mothers are only hurting themselves and putting a strain on the relationship between them and the kids, sometimes forgetting the fact that these kids might be learning this bad and grow up to become aggressive.

Some go as far as inflicting bodily harm because they are angered by someone. The offended unleashes anger on anybody that tries to come his/her way.

When angered by someone, it does not mean that you have to also make someone’s day a bad one, especially if the person has nothing to do with your having a bad day. Transfer of aggression does not speak well of anyone.

According to Dr. Obinna Emeka, a lecturer of psychology, “anyone who is quick in transferring aggression is one that is not very patient and can easily be pushed to vetting out annoyance on innocent people who try to ease the situation.”

There is a very important need for us to learn how to control our anger. The effects of anger management skills go beyond stopping yourself from reacting to negative situations but also teaching yourself not to get unnecessarily angry over things or situations that are not relevant.

Learning to talk things out politely with who ever you might have had a misunderstanding with pays of better than keeping it in mind and taking it out on innocent people. Sometimes you may need to ask if your anger is justified maybe the other party had no other choice but had to do what he or she did to pass on a message.

Alhaji Kabir Ahmed says “taking out your anger on someone else is totally unfair because it only shows that the other person has more courage and self esteem than you do, to be able to face you and did whatever he or she did and you were just being a coward by taking it out on someone else. To prove that you are someone of worth, you need to take it out on the person concerned and not on people who basically do not know what your problem is in the first place”

The situation can become something regrettable in future, if one does not do away with that negative behaviour. Maimuna Idris, a mother of two, says “when we were growing up, we had a family friend whose mother always took out the anger of whatever problem she had with their father on the children and in the long run the children grew to be afraid of her and now as we speak, her sons who are now married are in the habit of beating up their wives. Some of her daughters are divorced because they believed in they could always display their anger in an aggressive manner and go scot free with it. All this behaviour did not just start one day, it started building in them since they were kids all thanks to their mother. Whatever anger we display in front of our kids we are only teaching them that it is the right thing to do. Children look up to us and whatever we do is what they imbibe in themselves.”

When feeling offended by someone, always keep in mind the true cause of your anger and frustration. This notwithstanding, try to direct your anger to non destructive activities liking writing or even singing, this way your mood will gradually be elevated from the low to high. Speaking about it to another person might also help ease the tension as this is a better way than looking out for a scapegoat to pour your anger on. Just never allow your anger splash out at innocent people and refrain yourself from doing something rash which you might regret later in life.

There is every need to purge yourself of any negative anger that would be destructive. You and only if you give yourself the chance can take control of your anger and not make it destructive to you and those around you.