Tips for a lasting and sweet marriage

Let’s take a break from the series we started last week to mark this Valentine’s Day.

According to Encyclopaedia Britannica, Valentine’s Day, also called St. Valentine’s Day, holiday (February 14) is the day when lovers express their affection with greetings and gifts. The holiday has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery. At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I replaced Lupercalia with St. Valentine’s Day. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance from about the 14th century. Couples or lovers exchange gifts on this day to strengthen the bond between them. However, it takes more than just a special day to make a marriage work.

Every marriage has a potential for greatness. God committed the assignment of populating the earth to just two individuals. That is how confident God is in His special creation called man. This should give us a clue into the type of potential that man has. Over the years, some men have risen to something close to this level of performance. We have had a few world class leaders who clearly understood that God made them with the potential for greatness.

God in His wisdom decided that the only help man needed to carry out this assignment was his wife. The Bible refers to her as ‘Help meet’. Genesis 2:18

God established a team for the assignment. And once there is a team there is a leader and a team that works in harmony is guaranteed to succeed.

They were to accomplish their task by:

a. Producing an unbeatable team capable of world class potential

b. Producing seeds capable of creating destiny

Every marriage was supposed to influence the present in order to alter the future. Marriage was designed to alter the world and keep it going. Your marriage is designed to accomplish things that are bigger than you and that can last longer than you. We were to enjoy pleasure in the process, but pleasure was not God’s primary focus. Marriage was designed to last the lifespan of the couple. It was designed to be a covenant union; not a contract that can be terminated. Divorce was never in God’s mind. Marriage was not designed to be easy but successful.

But not all marriages work. Some break apart and those that have not scattered are broken down internally; resulting in misery and frustration.

The truth is you need relational skills to make marriage work. You need more than sex as a motivation for getting into marriage. You need to die to self in order to become one with your spouse. Make the fulfilment of your spouse, not yourself, the priority or issue.

Let me share a few keys with you from the following Scriptures:

“Husband love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Ephesians 5:25. “Wives submit to your husbands.” Ephesians 5: 22; Colossians 3:18

We lean towards where we are accepted; we lean towards where we are valued; we lean towards where we are celebrated. We tend to move away from those who abuse or criticize or devalue us.

“Dwell with them according to knowledge.” 1Peter 3:7

What we don’t understand we fear; what we fear we fight; what we fight we destroy. Why? Because of the instinct of self-preservation!

WHAT THE MAN SHOULD DO

The Key To Love Is Giving

Give her time, it is proof she is queen of your life. Give her your ears; listen to her, you will become her best friend. Pay attention to her feelings; learn the language of non-verbal communication. Learn how she communicates. Some communicate by becoming quiet and withdrawn; some become talkative; others break things or simply eat too much. Know when she is screaming for your attention in a non-verbal way.

Compliment her beauty, hairstyle (especially new), looks, dressing; she will take more care of herself.

Show her understanding, don’t attempt to fix everything; sometimes they just want you to listen.

Give her protection from your family, danger and humiliation. Be generous with your affection. Give her security (make her feel secure). Meet her physical and material needs. Show her respect – publicly and privately especially in the presence of your people. Be courteous to her at all times.

Please no matter how familiar you have become, don’t stop chasing her.

Never compliment another woman lavishly in her presence; it is an uncivilized way of passing a vote of no confidence in her.

WHAT THE WOMAN SHOULD DO

Celebrate him, his achievements, etc. Men derive their self-worth from career success.

Learn to receive his compliments by smiling and saying, ‘thank you’.

Never attempt to make him lose an argument; it makes him feel like he has lost his authority.

Don’t try to boss him. He belongs to a species that likes to defend his territory.

Make him feel welcome each time he returns.

Never abandon him because of the children. Know how to share your time between him and the children. Remember, he married you because he needed your company.

Never tell him “what can you do?” his muscles are for real.

Never deny him when there is nothing wrong with you. Tiredness has never been a good excuse for this kind of creatures. You must understand that for a man love means three things: sex, sex and more sex.

And whatever you do please always be feminine even when you wear trousers.

Avoid assumptions and presumptions. Be clear in your communication. Communicate openly, deeply, affectionately and frequently.

The three words to remember are: Dwell: Love: Submit:

My assignment for you (Little things that make a big difference and make marriages last)

Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Say “thank you” and “please.” Tell your lover “I Love You” each morning and before you go to bed each evening. Help clean the table after dinner. When your partner sneezes, say ‘bless you’. When you hear a sound where your partner is, ask, ‘are you ok?’ or better still, rush to the place and find out.

Call if you are going to be late. Help carry in the groceries and packages.

Send your lover an email or call at least once a day to say you are thinking about them. Be more unselfish, it isn’t just about you. Give your lover at least a dozen hugs a day. Eat at least one meal together a day. Hold each other a lot. Watch a movie together. Watch some sports together and laugh together. Pray together. Divorce is lower by 60% among couples that pray together. Listen to each other.

The important point is that successful love and relationships are an accumulation of the little things. The little things matter! It isn’t enough to just think about the little things or just talk about the little things. You have to just DO the little things every day. That’s what makes love and marriage last!

Happy Sunday!

Bishop Dr. Charles Olowojoba is the General Overseer of Dayspring Bible Church Worldwide with HQ in Abuja, Nigeria & President, Dayspring Christian Ministries Int’l. Website: www.dayspringcmi.org e-mail: [email protected] Help line: 08035150515