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Thoughts on Buhari’s lopsided ministerial list

Two weeks after his Liberal Party won elections in 2015, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered on his promise to form a gender-balanced cabinet. Asked…

Two weeks after his Liberal Party won elections in 2015, Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau delivered on his promise to form a gender-balanced cabinet. Asked to explain the action, he simply retorted ‘because this is 2015”. Trudeau turns 45 in December. So, nobody should blame Sai Baba that it took him six months to locate the half-witted bores he parades as ministers. We got what was promised us – the change between six and half a dozen, and of course adherence to the quantitative principle of federal character. Sadly, Sai Baba’s half-buried secret of appointing more ‘northerners’ than others into his cabinet is still haunting him and us, to the extent that our media friends have won the Pulitzer for their exclusive report on the subject. 

Other parts of Naija are justifiably angry that successive governments, headed by northerners have northernized production, consumption and development. Because their sons have more often headed the presidency, their roads are better, they have 24-hour electricity supply, security is second to none and life in all parts of the north is beyond global average. Even as a northerner, I confess that this is untenable in Naija of 2017. I appeal to my fellow born-to-rule northerners to let development go round the entire nation. After all, when you are so blessed in the midst of so much need, you are the poorest. The northernization of Naija has led to the marginalization of other regions.

Before my prayer has reached Sai Baba’s good ear, he has promised to give each state of the federation a ministerial portfolio. This is the magic bullet that would make other parts of the country catch up with us in the north. A Yagba speaking minister would fix all the roads in Yagbaland and by extent the entire Kogi State. Because s/he would share his loot in Lokoja every month, Governor Yahaya Bello can spend the state’s allocation on himself and his family without the pain of being labeled a debtor even if he decides to never pay his workers again.

A society gets the leadership that reflects its aspirations. That is why we enshrined the Federal Character Commission into the constitution. Kudos to the reporter that painstakingly unveiled the lopsidedness in Sai Baba’s appointments but we should go further. How about the list of the ethnic nationalities currently in government, the names of their villages and what families they represent? We need to know those families taking what belongs to rest of us so that we can ask them for our fair share of the booty. 

From the outside looking in, those whose states have been favoured with ministers lack nothing. Their roads are as smooth as cobblestones. The transportation system in riverine areas with transport the ministry is second to none in the world attracting tourists and Chinese spies looking to steal the blueprint for replication in China’s Shinghuan province. If in doubt, ask Amaechi. The schools in the state with the ministry of education are the best in the country with pupils breaking international academic records making all America’s ivory league universities fall over each other to offer them tuition free admission. That’s how lucky Adamu Adamu is.

The last time I checked, the most agriculturally advanced state in Naija is Benue. Hunger and poverty was eradicated with the appointment of Audu Ogbeh but the state government is tackling obesity while others states grapple with kwashiorkor. The last time Sai Baba had ear infection; he was rushed to Adeoyo Hospital in Ibadan. That is why people were angry at his public announcement to have Alex Ekwueme treated abroad. No ailment survives the first-class facility at the University of Ibadan. Oyo does not have to worry about the spread of monkeypox because even HIV des not compromise the quality of immunity in that state. 

One cannot but envy Naija’s Silicon Valley in Abakaliki since Ogbonnaya Onu became technology minister. American, Chinese and Indians are sending their children there for training in robotics and interactive multimedia. It’s a shame that some states are complaining about darkness due to Buhari’s wickedness in zoning the power ministry to Lagos where electricity is so constant they’re thinking of selling to Benin Republic. Since Kemi Adeosun became finance minister, Ogun has been top on the Guinness Book of records as the economic capital of Naija. Those requiring blueprints in money management are flocking to Itoko in Abeokuta. Is your state producing jobless graduates? Blame Buhari for appointing Chris Ngige. He gave all the 7 million jobs his ministry created to Anambrarians. 

I agree that these injustices must be addressed and redressed for equity to prevail in Naija. Sai Baba should hurry up with ministers from every state because they always return to their state capitals to distribute their share of loot with all their citizens. And when every state’s quota is filled, ministries should be rotated so that those who have had enough in one area can hold on while the expertise goes to another area. This way in the next two years before elections, not a single Naija would heed the fake adverts asking unwary citizens to come to Canada with their PhDs to clean toilets, wash corpses and drive taxis. Tazarche Baba.

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