This piece was inspired by a huge outburst among some friends (male and female) during a recent outing. The men boldly declared that as long as they were physically stronger than women; they will always be above and will never be equal with the female. The age-old war between men and women over who is superior is completely baseless as far as I am concerned. The push for superiority of men because of the role they play and their physical strength is simply a push for power, control and dominance.
Men have more physical strength than women. It is estimated that a typical man will be stronger than 39 in 40 women and that men have 50% more muscle mass and 30% more bone mass than women, both of which contribute significantly to greater physical strength. That’s beautiful and admirable. Men are physically stronger and are by nature, better equipped to handle certain things that women will find difficult. Their role is to protect, lead, preserve and cover. These are admirable qualities and not to be envied at all.
Women have more mental strength than men. Studies show that women have exceptional endurance and are more likely to survive tougher conditions than men. They are built with powerful emotional strength and resilience that allow them nurture, bear pain, stretch without breaking and are known to withstand pressure much more than men, due to the fact that cortisol, the stress hormone, increases more rapidly in men than in women. What they lack in physical strength, is made up for in mental strength.
As far as I am concerned, these strengths are complementary and not competitive. Why did we allow anyone get into our heads and tell us that because we are emotional, we are weak? Emotions are powerful. They enable us to connect with the deepest parts of ourselves and help us express ourselves in ways that are dynamic, colorful and authentic. Emotions are not bad neither are they negative. Inability to control them or allowing them control/rule you is always the issue. The lack of much physical strength and the presence of mental strength and emotions should not be labelled inferiority.
Perhaps the real issue here is that many intertwine the roles of men and women in marriage with their roles in society, the corporate or business world. Our roles in society and in marriages differ. There’s no competition in that. The man is the lead. His job is to protect, to provide, (provide vision, direction and provide materially as well), to preserve and to cover. The woman is an equal partner whose job is to nurture, help, provide mental strength, support and balance needed to navigate the storms of life, partner in fulfilling vision and bring life. How does that make her ‘below’ the man?
What makes one job/role more important than the other? The two serve each other in their own distinct and unique way. The same commandment of ‘rule, subdue, multiply, dominate the earth’ was given to both genders. Note that the commandment was to rule, subdue and dominate the earth and not the woman or vice versa, in some cases. We were never called to dominate each other. The role of a ‘lead’ is simply to lead, not subdue or dominate. It means take responsibility for others and show the way by example and the reason for this is for order. There will be chaos if everyone on the ship is the captain!
If there’s this understanding, women should stop feeling inferior about their femininity, their beautiful emotions, their power to create and nurture and support. It’s such a beautiful thing to watch. It doesn’t mean they are relegated to the background; afraid to take up roles and responsibilities that would require them to ‘be in front’ and ahead of the pack. Let’s not forget that it is mostly in the context of the marriage relationship that these gender roles play out.
Men are handsome and admirable. It must feel great to be physically strong, to lead, to take charge, to take responsibility for everyone. That is laudable. But it must also be mentally and emotionally draining doing all of that… And that’s where the men should have the comfort of the mental strength of the women beside them, to cheer them on, to understand their pains, share in them and to tell them when they are missing it. Isn’t that such a beautiful rhythm to watch?
To mix up the role of the man and woman in a marriage relationship with the role of the man and a woman in the society at large, is to terribly interrupt or even stop the beautiful rhythm created by the differences in both men and women. These differences actually make us a great team when and if we lean in more towards collaboration rather than competition or unnecessary grandstanding. Both genders have the responsibility to dominate their space in their own separate, distinct ways, but the objective is the same; rule the earth. Dominate your space. The competences required to do so are basically the same but the approach and applications are different simply because we differ in nature. That shouldn’t be a problem.
Soluchy is a Talent Management Specialist, HR Business partner and Performance Coach with a strong passion and commitment to activating potential and optimising performance.
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