Things fall apart: A tale of determination and masculinity

By Ubelejit Dandison

This critique aims at showing what masculinity is and isn’t and why determination should be everyone’s meat. Many, after reading the beautifully scripted piece ‘Things Fall Apart’, may suddenly develop a one-sided story of what Achebe meant when he talked of being manly and feminine in an African society.

Achebe wrote richly from studying his environment and the many traits that he found, some of these traits which still exist. In a bid to lead my own narrative, I would like that at the end of this piece, the reader sees masculinity as a thing for both men and women and not as a thing against women or a tool of oppression.

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Though masculinity has been shaped a certain way, its identity can be restored to what I think it was meant to be, to show that the society in general, which speaks far beyond the African shores to the world at large, was not built to tear down women and make them subjects but to create a safe space for them to excel, and that with determination, anybody, just anybody, can excel.

Let’s begin with the story about why mosquitoes sing into our ears, as told by Okonkwo’s mother:

“Mosquito, she had said, had asked Ear to marry him, whereupon Ear fell on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. ‘How much more do you think you will live?’ She asked, ‘You are already a skeleton.’ Mosquito went away humiliated, and anytime he passed her way he told Ear that he was still alive”. Thus, the peace we never have whenever mosquito passes by.

The tale of Mosquito and Ear is beautifully recorded, so is the story Things Fall Apart. Okonkwo saw women stories, stories like the one above, as foolish women stories and no matter how it comforted his children, Nwoye especially, they had to feign a liking for the war-like stories he told them because it made them manly. The issue of determination and masculinity is widely spread like salt in food throughout the story, with Okonkwo being the face of both determination and masculinity.

Every human must come to a place of determination. Masculinity in itself is not a sick topic as every man should be in touch with it, but when does it become sick? Achebe tells us:

“Only a week ago, a man had contradicted him at a kindred meeting which they held to discuss the next ancestral feast. Without looking at the man, Okonkwo said: ‘This meeting is for men.’ The man who had contradicted him had no titles, that was why he had called him a woman.

Okonkwo knew how to kill a man’s spirit. Everybody at the kindred meeting took sides with Osugo when Okonkwo called him a woman. The oldest man present said sternly that those whose palm-kernels were cracked for them by a benevolent spirit should not forget to be humble. Okonkwo said he was sorry for what he had said, and the meeting continued”.

Masculinity here forbids oppression but encourages hard work. Even the clan accorded respect and were recognised by title and achievements. Masculinity has different sides to it but it has never been about oppression but protection and hard work, and that is why a case of similar circumstance occurred when Nwakibie told of Obiako’s story:

“Obiako has always been a strange one,” said Nwakibie. I have heard that many years ago, when his father had not been dead very long, he had gone to consult the Oracle. The Oracle said to him, ‘Your dead father wants you to sacrifice a goat to him! Do you know what he told the Oracle? He said “Ask my dead father if he ever had a fowl when he was alive.”

Obiako would have rights to question the spirits of his late father if he ever had a fowl when he was alive. Hard work was one of the well applauded routes of wealth and recognition in their tradition, it still is up till date and that was why Okonkwo will forever feel embarrassed when he thought of his father.

He desired to be the opposite; he became the opposite and maybe very stern but his first son Nwoye did not behave manly enough in Okonkwo’s eyes. Nwoye would always prick Okonkwo’s past – his father. For this reason, he wished Ezinwa was a boy. She was more firm, had guts, and resembled Okonkwo in character.

Okonkwo’s idea of masculinity was daringness, strength, wealth, and power, and he could see that fire well present in Ezinwa but almost dead in Nwoye. Ezinwa’s only restriction was gender: this tells us that though female, some women have got the needed guts. In some situations of the weak versus the strong, Ezinwa would rightly be termed masculine where the male present, cowered, but for her genital features. Masculinity, therefore, could be relative.

Masculinity fronts the reason female roles are differentiated from male roles. Females are expected to behave a certain way and carry out certain responsibilities, same as men. Okonkwo and other chiefs at Obierika’s daughter’s introduction mock the men of Abame for behaving womanly.

The female behaviour is also seen when Okonkwo shouts at Ezinwa, his daughter, to sit like a woman and also rebukes her from carrying his stool to the market square for the village meeting when she requested, because he felt it was a man’s responsibility. Till date, it is only culture and manner for a woman to sit legs closed.

Recently, in church, I sat a row ahead of my mother and she was seated right behind me. The sermon had come to an end and it was time to pray. It was a New Year fasting and prayer program, I had decided to take the fast all the way till 6pm and I didn’t have the reserve energy to stand all through the prayers. While praying, my mum tapped me sharply and I turned only for her to signal me to close my legs and pull my gown that was a little bit above the knee, downwards. I immediately complied.

I never realized that my legs were a little bit apart. It was the feminine expectation and I have come to think it is only proper to sit properly. I realized that when dressed in trousers, it was never really something to bother about, no one would see through. Thank goodness for modernity but it didn’t also stop the fact that ladies who wore trousers have as well been sexually harassed.

Masculinity was that same reason Okonkwo killed Ikemefuna against the restriction of his conscience and this may be the reason why some young men today wear a shield over their conscience and common reasoning while others could not be allowed to express such a thing as pain – to cry. This is when masculinity becomes a lie to shield men from feeling, from common reasoning.

Masculinity wasn’t meant to turn men into monsters. Rather, into well-abled men, men who would take responsibility and care for their loved ones – men, women and children alike, men who would protect and not be the one perpetuating the harm.

There are many good lessons to learn from Okonkwo and a few will be brought to spotlight.

Man must be determined against failure, storms and challenges. This is seen when Okonkwo got banished and all his crops wouldn’t grow. He was determined to return great. In fact, he began preparations for his return to his land from the very first year he got banished. It is okay to shroud at the storms of life, but it is not okay to stay down for too long.
Many times we are thrown into silence, a retreat to personal space, but we should plan for a return. We must first allow ourselves to heal in other to have the guts to keep searching. In silent or quiet seasons, we must seek knowledge and build momentum for a great return:

Walk the silent path
Work in silence
Don’t be afraid to be forgotten
Gather momentum
Pray grace
For when you strike,
It would be like you never left
They’ll see silence had molded you
They’ll recognize your value
Shame if you walked the silent path
And came back with nothing.

– Ubelejit Dandison

I see that this quote resonates with Okonkwo’s journey after he was banished. Okonkwo was determined to return as god to his clan, hence his many years of preparation. He had strategized how he was going to start again and reclaim all his titles and respect but this second quote looks more like Okonkwo’s ending:

In man’s lows, he sees his emptiness,
In man’s high, he feels he’s god
The fame applauds his raised shoulders
Till the wind blows and the storm comes even
When he is unable to maintain god status
His followers look to another god
Till he proves that he can win the jungle back or make it better
In man’s lows, maybe he may learn to be a better god
If and when he can take back his jungle
In man’s lows are the deepest lessons learnt
In man’s lows is where true greatness can be birth. Relatable pain.
In man’s lows he must motivate himself to get back high
Or die with a feeling of irrelevance.
So man struggles to be high. To be god.

– Ubelejit Dandison

Okonkwo in his fight to be god, died a god. That’s my conclusion. But we don’t have to die in the same manner, dragged and frustrated by challenges. We can choose determination to succeed over suicide and we can use our masculine power, whether male or female, to protect the people that need protection and work hard for our sakes and our next generation. At least we would have laid a good foundation of what it means to be human, not forgetting to instill in our children the ability to make and retain wealth.

Protect, don’t oppress. Succeed, don’t succumb – masculinity and determination.

Things may fall apart, but you can gather it back again, so don’t be too surprised when things fall apart.

Ubelejit writes from Akwa Ibom and can be reached via [email protected]