The young and shameless

About two years ago, an Islamic scholar made a video complaining about the kind of messages young women post on tiktok. He was clearly upset and described such videos as proof that these young women lack good upbringing.  

Not having seen any of such videos at the time, I wasn’t sure what to make of the cleric’s complaints. But later I read about one such post, where a Kannywood actress declared undying love for Prof Isa Ali Pantami, who was then our Minister of Communications and Digital economy. But I never saw the video itself nor did I see the minister’s response.  

Then after this year’s elections in February, I began to see more. The first was by an Abuja-based lady whose home state is Kano. In her video she was celebrating the victory of Governor Abba Kabir Yusuf of NNPP, due to the fact that government sponsored marriages of divorcees and widows would soon return. She sang and danced, in order to show her joy at the emergence of someone who would wipe the tears off divorcees and widows.  

Another one did her own video, featuring a bald head and saying that she cut her hair in solidarity with the new Kano governor and would be doing a lot more, she mentioned some unmentionable things, to show she’s entirely with the governor.  

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I honestly thought that was as bad as it could get. And so, nothing prepared me for the latest video from tik-toker Firdausi Tanko.  

The contents of Firdausi’s video were shocking to me. But by her own admission it wasn’t the first time she did it. In her first tiktok on the topic, she apparently declared eternal love for Kano State governor, Abba Kabir Yusuf, and expressed her desperate wish to marry him.  

If, like me, you find this declaration shameless, then brace yourself because the second video is even more audacious, in addition to being a shameless display.   

In this edition, Firdausi was appealing to others to help convince the governor to marry her. She chose certain influential people as well as their mothers, and begged them to intervene and ensure that she gets married to Abba Gida-Gida.  

First on her list is the governor’s own mother. Firdausi wants Abba Kabir’s mother to convince her son to marry her. I wonder which mother will accept a woman who shamelessly confessed love for her son, when he had never met her, let alone made the first move. But in this young lady’s twisted logic, she even wants his mother to push her case.  

The second influential woman on Firdausi’s appeal list is Hajiya Mariya Sanusi Dantata, better known these days as Aliko Dangote’s mother. The smitten young lady appealed to both Hajiya Mariya and her son to make a case for her with the new governor. 

The third influential person, whom Firdausi would like to intervene on her behalf, is the mother of His Eminence, the Sultan of Sokoto.  

Here again, she appealed to both mother and son to come to her aid, through ensuring that the Kano governor returns her love by marrying her. I honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry after listening to this young lady’s brazen display.  

“Is she sane at all or totally insane?” Was what I kept asking myself as I continued to watch her over five minutes video.  

Her dressing of modesty suggests someone who respects Islamic laws with regards to observance of the hijab.  

Her appeals are also laced with the names of Almighty Allah and His Messenger SAW. So at least from her comportment and her choice of words one cannot sense a clear case of mental illness.   

But the contents of her speech are something else. How can you choose someone you have never met, the number one citizen of the state and simply decide it’s him you want to marry? 

As if that wasn’t bad enough you also picked a number of highly respected people and insist that they should get you married to him. Where are Firdausi’s parents or other elders that she can get away with making such a public display of herself? 

At the beginning she had introduced herself as Firdausi Tanko from Katsina state, currently residing in Kano.  

Surely between Katsina and Kano this young lady would certainly have people she calls her relatives, is there no-one who can call her to order, especially after making the first video?  

She did say, towards the end of this tiktok that her elders had objected to the first one, in which she declared her love for the governor; but clearly their objection wasn’t hard enough to deter her from making a bigger fool of herself the next time.  

If I were related to her in any way, I’d have marched her off to a psychiatric clinic for a much-needed mental analysis.  

Incidentally, I was making this same observation aloud when my daughter Ruqayyah overheard me and said “Maybe she’s only doing it for the followership. You know there are people who will be following her on tiktok for the same reason you think she needs psychiatric help.” 

I just couldn’t believe what my daughter said and I told her so. I replied that I didn’t think any girl will resort to something as shameful as begging to be married to someone who doesn’t know she exists, just so she’d have a large social media following.   

As far as I’m concerned, no sane, decent and well-brought-up Muslim lady will make such a fool of herself, just to become famous.  

But maybe its a generational thing.  

Maybe what’s considered shameful in our days is the new normal in this generation of the young and shameless.   

Some people might argue that there is nothing wrong with a woman making the first move, if it’s about marriage, because the wife of RasullalLah SAW, Nana Khadijah made the first move too.  

But I dare say that situation was totally different. Khadijah (RA) was a forty-year-old, twice widowed merchant woman who was her own boss.  

When she decided to marry her newly-employed assistant, she privately sent messengers to his uncle and declared her intention.  

She didn’t go to the square in ancient Makkah and announce that “I’m in love with Muhammad so I’m appealing to Abu Talib, Abu Sufyan and other Quraish notables to get me married to him.”  

Firdausi is, on the other hand, much younger than the Kano governor, has never met him, has no reason to insist that she can only “be obedient” to him as a husband and no one else.  

Except for the fact that she has an obsession with him or with becoming a First Lady in Kano state, nothing can justify what Firdausi has done to herself and her family’s reputation. 

No wonder divorce rates keep soaring in some parts of Northern Nigeria. If young women have grown so enamoured of the good life they even make videos advertising themselves to accomplished men; and even dragging respected, influential people into their emotional mess, how can they remain with the struggling young men who eventually marry them?