The space race, Buhari and two emirs

It was disappointing to see the Americ-based Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) setting new rules on who qualifies to be called an astronaut in the middle of a space race. FAA intervened after two global billionaires flew above our stratosphere, sauntered into space and returned without a glitch. Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin Galactic’s Unity and Amazon chief; and Jeff Bezos, owner of Blue River’s New Shepard, beat each other by nine days and some kilometres in their bid to make history for the first commercial space flight.

It looked like Branson was waiting for Bezos to announce a launch date so he could beat him to it. He is a veteran of the space race who lost billions in cash and one astronaut to a disastrous pioneering launch in 2014. A certified astronaut funneled Branson and crew on this pioneer voyage while Bezos was transported like the executive he is with ground control circumnavigating him to and from the edge of space. Bezos’ New Shepard flew beyond Branson’s Unity’s sub-orbital vehicle, but NASA officials discountenanced the mileage difference because what matters most is to cross the international boundary or the Karman line, named after a Hungarian/American aeronautics enthusiast. Both voyages qualified.

Billions of dollars have been sunk into this voyage and the two businessmen hope to rake in billions in return when fully actualised. Branson already has a long list of voyagers waiting to experience space travel for amounts needed to eradicate hunger across half the globe.

Environmentalists are concerned that the commercialisation of space exploration might hamper efforts at cleaning our polluted earth. All parts of the globe are suffering the consequences of unmitigated pollution with attendant global warming. There are fears that hazardous wastes might eventually end up in space posing mortal danger to earthlings. Already, tonnes of debris left floating in outer space have landed here without mortal damage.

We tell the FAA to just wait until the first Nigerian gets into outer space. If upon return that individual is not addressed properly, their aides would be given lectures on protocol adjustment. From a Nigerian standpoint, even the valet of the first Nigerian to make it to space would add the feat to their call card.

This is not a joke! Nigerians have exclusive rights to cards printed with inscriptions like-the presidential cook, friend of the governor et al, as relatives of political party faithful have been known to add their achievements to their resume. They print unique vehicle identification plates just to distinguish themselves from the rest of the Joneses.

By changing the rules of who qualifies to be called an astronaut, American FAA might have stopped vaunting Nigerians from pushing it up our noses; however they shot themselves in the foot by excluding one of their own from adding the title of astronaut. This should make Donald Trump squirm in Mar-a-lago at a missed opportunity! Humanity might have been saved from Nigeria’s title-crazy bullies because we’re already having a hard time separating academic PhD holders from their much-demanded medical counterparts.

The way the Americans see it, to qualify as an astronaut, you must employ the services of a professional astronaut, being a curious passenger won’t cut it. If Bezos feels de-winged, he should approach the courts to challenge the legality of a FAA directive applied retroactively. Until then, in Nigeria, we’d address him as astronaut Bezos because he has earned it.

By the way Obi Cubana buried his mother in Oba, one cannot wait to see the names of the Nigerians on the first Space-700. They are believed to have shelled $250k to make it to outer space. Africa must be waiting to know which of its super wealthy heads of states and fantastically corrupt politicians would appear on that list.

We love titles, even when they mean nothing. Royal historians sometimes have trouble remembering which titles have been taken and which ones remain, and it is not unusual to sometimes see titles duplicated. It happened recently in Daura, President Buhari’s hometown where Yusuf Buhari, the president’s only begotten son was given a title earlier bestowed on the Guinean president, Alpha Conde. As you read, there are two Talba in Daura and nobody knows what happens if both turn up at a durbar.

Nigerians would be wandering how Branson bypassed Prime Minister Boris Johnson to commission his Unity voyage as Jeff failed to invite President Joe Biden to commission his New Shepard. Such executive faux pas is hardly tolerated in Africa where politicians commission their gifts of radio sets to their supporters and two different presidents from two different eras could commission the same project.

Launching a gigantic project without commissioning is sacrilege against the gods and their political representatives on earth. In Nigeria or any part of Africa, the equivalent of the FAA would never have granted flying rights to an uncommissioned craft.

Weeks ago, President Buhari fueled Eagle One and flew to Kano to commission the Abuja-Kano rail project. As oxymoronic as that sounds, the president found the time to visit the freshly minted Emir of Kano, Aminu Ado Bayero whose predecessor was known to heckle the presidency with pot shots. Apparently, the new Emir did not exorcise the spirit of telling truth to power. When President Buhari showed up at the palace, he was welcome with fura da nono, and a farrago of the failures that now characterize the Buhari presidency.  It was not something the president expected from his host.

Vanguard reports that the Emir told his guest how Nigerians wanted him “to look into various sectors of life and find ways of ameliorating the sufferings and hardships faced by the masses especially in the areas of security, economy especially food and commodities (sic).” Now, except newspaper proprietors have been ‘enjoined’ to play by the new NBC code of silence on security matters, Kano is not a bandits and kidnappers’ den.

So, what essentially is Emir Aminu Ado Bayero saying? It is expected that the presidency would have responded to the tirade with a list of the number of Nigerians pulled out of the quagmire of poverty by the APC.

Back home in Daura, the president ‘defied bandits and insecurity’ by walking home from the mosque after the Eid-el-Adha prayers! He later paid a traditional homage to the Emir of Daura, Alhaji Umar Farouk Umar, who sees his shon-of-the-shoil president as the glue of the nation.

Hear Emir Umar “Nigeria is lucky to have you at this time. I am not saying it to please you, but if you had not been in power, it would have been very difficult. I doubt if we will be here today.” There you have it, President Buhari is the glue of the nation but don’t tell Nnamdi Kanu and Sunday Adeyemo. Without Buhari, the people of Daura would not have been around to welcome their president.

This must be comforting to an administration that qualifies as “unfruitful blatant failures’ in David Oyedepo’s books. Forty of Oyedepo’s anointed pastors meeting the criteria were sacked without benefits recently. You can’t compare them with those sinnators who were AWOL when their constituents needed them to vote for a landmark electoral reform bill a couple of weeks back. If they had worked for Oyedepo’s business they would have been sacked with ignominy and stripped of their benefits.