The pain – and gain – of goodbyes

In most relationships, it is better if the partners separate than struggle to remain together, but bringing oneself to say goodbye in a relationship diplomatically is rare as goodbyes are never so pleasing.

Goodbye, they say, is the hardest word to say to someone dear to you. Sometimes you want to say goodbye but you cannot get the words out because deep down in your heart, saying goodbye will just be a lie. Goodbye is a word of sorrow and hurts deep inside us.

“Goodbye is the hardest thing you have to do especially if you love someone and the person is not responding, but sometimes, it’s for the best. It hurts and pierces your heart as you have to let go of the person and forge ahead with life. It is easy to say hello to your loved ones but hard to say goodbye to them, especially if there are moments you have both shared. I have been through that situation and it made me sick for months,” says Ben Obi, a banker in Abuja.

Someone once asked, “if endings symbolize new beginnings, why are goodbyes so hard to say? Tearing ourselves away from people who mean a lot to us is one of the most painful things that can happen to us in our lives but when situations become inevitable, there is no other option than to end up saying goodbye. Goodbyes must not necessarily be one of hatred and there are ways that goodbyes can be said and those involved can still remain friends rather than enemies.

Goodbye does not really have to mean the end, “as we grow older we all come to terms that nothing is permanent in our life and somewhere along the line circumstances and situations happen beyond our control. Saying goodbye to a loved one is something nobody anticipates but when it comes, there is nothing that can be done about it. It has to be done. We have lost dear ones and that is one painful goodbye that anyone can ever tell a loved one especially if you were not in good terms with the person before the person died. Once a goodbye is said to signify the end of a relationship, there is always going to be an emotional stress that comes along with it, it’s not easy to say and definitely, not the best word to tell a loved one,” says Safiya Kareem, a nurse.

“Saying goodbye is a part of human experience that we encounter every day sometimes nonchalantly, sometimes with great emotion. Then, eventually, the time comes for the final goodbye when we lose someone. Saying goodbye comes in many different forms. There are goodbyes that mean goodbye forever. There are those that just mean the normal everyday goodbye, those departing words such as “goodbye, see you” does not create the same impact if we were to know that those are the last words that we are going to utter to a significant one. It is never really the same with the everyday goodbye we use. It definitely brings pain and hatred between the parties involved, except they are extra ordinarily mature in their sense of understanding and realize that such a relationship cannot forge ahead with uttering the dreaded word goodbye,” says Bridget Chris, a media consultant.

 “Where is the “good” in a goodbye? Asks Jemima Audu, an undergraduate of the University of Abuja. ”there is nothing good in goodbye, why add the good when at the end of it, all you do is causing trauma and pain to the other party. It has happened to me, when he just decided to say goodbye for just no reason and expected me to feel good about the whole thing. It was a terrible situation and will never wish it for anybody not even my enemy, do you know what it means to say goodbye for ever to someone you have shared so many things with?

Saying goodbye is not at all any way easy for the person saying it and the person it is being said to. Do not be dismayed at goodbyes; there are some goodbyes that we cannot run away from, notwithstanding the pain it is going to cause. If only we take a minute to realise that saying goodbye for the benefit of both parties is beneficial and magical, we would realize that there is so much more than the word goodbye itself. Though most people say goodbye only to cause pain and agony to others, this is wrong and not fair.

Saying goodbye is not the hardest part in the word itself. What we leave behind is what matters. Goodbyes are necessary for us to meet again after a lifetime apart, meeting again is certain for those who are bound forever to be friends, no matter the circumstances that led to the goodbye in  the first place. Some goodbyes are certainly the beginning of new things to come in our lives while some are just disastrous. Goodbyes do certainly have their pains and gains, if you ask me.