The other type of domestic violence

Women seem to be doing virtually everything that men do these days and they seem to be doing it ironically better than the men from being doctors to teachers, lawyers, scientist, policing and also physically assaulting their spouses or partners. Studies have also shown that more women than men initiated domestic violence in the home. According to latest research 835,000 men are attacked each year by their wives or girlfriends, the figure may actually be higher.

Sometime this year it was reported that a wife beat her husband to death in calabar. The late husband who was a lecturer suffered this fate in the hands of his wife Christiana all because he wanted the best for her and insisted that she furthered her education.  Also there was the case of a woman who stabbed her ex-husband in Gusau with a knife which left him with deep cuts.

Even though when imagined it looks funny but in reality it is not a funny matter.  I can’t help but wonder what would lead a woman to vent out her anger in such a manner as to beating up her husband. Violence by women against men is rampant, but unreported in most cases. Women more and more tend to be the ones who assault their spouses and of course no real man would want his image tarnished by accepting that his wife is assaulting him. He will definitely be ridiculed and most atimes not be believed.

In thousands of homes across the world, the family can be a crucible for seething violence. Women are beaten daily and innocent kids are victims of brutal assaults but there are other forms of domestic violence that exists which has been largely ignored and even laughed at, men are also victims of domestic violence. Silent victims of domestic violence still exist and many are men. These figures do not include the emotional abuse that women have over years improved on their expertise of inflicting pain on men (even though most of these men are the cause of such actions).

Acording to Hajiya Ramatu Ahmed, a lecturer at Ahmadu Bello University says “most times society seem to be blind to the idea that women can be abusive and men are always the victims. Most people believe that any woman who goes as far as abusing her husband surely must have been pushed into it by her husband. This he does by driving her mad with his behavior, which she must have been ignoring for a long whiler. Most of these women suffer from bi-polar disorders, their mood swings are always very extreme, their behaviors could also result to public embarrassment”

“Most of these women who are abusive and violent do this to cause physical, sexual, emotional, damage, fear and worry in their marriages or relationships. They are usually, though not all of them are selfish and narcissistic. She uses her moods and rage to control people around her and she is not satisfied until she has been noticed. They usually use deceit and fury to get what they want; they humiliate and insult their husbands by using offensive language in the presence of others and including the kids. Most of these men tend to tolerate this ill mannered treatment of abuse for the greater good of keeping the family together. But most times, these violences from women are generated by the men” she said.

Studies have showed that the abuse of men by their female partners is a real family problem and a serious problem indeed. Men in families with abusive wives suffer all consequences of violence abused wives experience. Abusive wives make more use of weapons and other instrument than abusive husbands and the rate of women killing their husbands is high enough to demonstrate the destructive capacity of women in their families. These women destroy their husbands’ property just to destabilize the man morally. These type of women normally play the triple role of terrorist, tyrant and the victim.

Several studies shows that the percentage of wives who have used physical violence is higher than the percentage of husbands and the wives score average violence tended to be higher. This study concluded that the most unreported crime is not wife battery but husband bashing.

Many have argued that ignoring violent women and concentrating solely on inhibiting violent men contributes to the cycle of violence for the next generation. Some men are already insinuating that women and NGO’s are quiet about this trend. “ it callous for women liberators and NGO’s to be quite about this as it it never happens. If it was a man beating his wife the whole nation would have gone gaggers. Domestic violence and systematic discrimination against anyone is wrong regardless of their gender” says Bashir Muktar a staff of the Ministry of Information.

The idea of women being violent is a hard assumption for many to believe, it definitely goes against the stereotype of the passive and helpless female. Roger Langley and Richard C. Levy in the book titled “wife beating; the silent crisis said “Husband abuse should not be viewed as merely the opposite side of the coin of wife abuse. Both are part of the same problem, which could be described as one person abusing another person. The problem must be faced and dealt with not in terms of sex but in terms of humanity”.

According to Hakeem Hamza, an Entrepreneur, he says, “ I never used to believe that there are wives who beat their husbands until I witnessed such an instance. To my surprise the husband confided in me that that was what he has been experiencing since he married and pleaded with me not to relate it to anyone. I could imagine the kind of trauma he goes through with such a woman as a wife. Husband battering is for real but most men cannot open up because of shame and ridicule” he said.

We must note that our children are watching us and this single action can poison their minds, which in future grow up to perpetuate the same thing they saw when they were growing up, bear it in mind that kids treat their mothers  the way the mothers treat their husbands.

We should also remember that the almighty God has put our husbands in a position of leadership and he will lead you through your husband, God works on you and your husband and you can both learn from your failures and your successes. Allow God to teach your husband through his failure and teach you to trust him through your husband’s failure. We should try to be respectful wives and have low temper and also have the habit of being a good listener and communicator.

The almighty did not create us to trash the living hell out of our husbands, let us stop and think over our actions, how we intend to account for our stay here on earth in front of our creator, if not for our kids but for our selves on the day of judgment. I conclude that husband bashing is thrash and should be discouraged and a stop put to it.