Way back in June when Senator Kashim Shettima, then a dark horse among the aspirants racing for some of the top jobs, threw wisecracks at both Vice President Yemi Osinbajo and Ahmed Lawan, the Senate President, most Nigerians thought it was a gaffe. The race was then still within his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC), building up to the presidential primaries. Kashim Shettima was on the campaign trail of his preferred candidate, Bola Tinubu, and answered questions on a popular Channels TV political programme. When comparing the two leading candidates, Vice President Yemi Osinbajo and Senate President Ahmad Lawan, to Bola Tinubu, he spun puns that would be the cause of tremendous hilarity for weeks after.
For example, when Kashim Shettima was asked why he felt that Osinbajo would not make a good president, he answered matter-of-factly, “Osinbajo is a good man; he’s a nice man. But nice men do not make good leaders. Nice men tend to be nasty. Nice men should be selling popcorn, and ice cream. But, he’s a very decent person. I can’t doubt that”. Kashim Shettima was even more forthright on Senator Ahmad Lawan probably because he had been associated with him for a longer period.
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Nevertheless, he was quick to dismiss Ahmad Lawan’s presidential aspiration as a nonstarter, for he would be unknown in other parts of the country. He pointedly said, “Go to Ohafia and ask of Ahmad Lawan, the first thing that will come to their mind is that of a tomato dealer from Maiduguri. Go to any other part of the South, does the name sell?”
You could hear the guffaws ringing from one end of the country to the other. Kashim Shettima has come to stamp his good-natured humour on an otherwise drab campaign canvas. And that became the centre point of discussions on the radio and TV. Cartoonists and my colleagues columnists had a field day dredging every ounce of humour from these wisecracks. Not to be undone one wag even went a step further at Eagle Square, the venue of the APC national convention where he named his ice cream joint after the vice-president. There was a loud advert pasted there saying: Osinbajo Ice Cream Serving Goodness to Nigerians. I guess plenty of sales must have been realised at that ice cream stand.
But the principal butt of the wisecracks Vice President Osinbajo must have enjoyed the fun and taken all of it in the right strides. Osinbajo showed that he could turn the heat on the wisecracking senator. And he did this at the launching ceremony of Governor Abdullahi Umar Ganduje’s book in Abuja recently. Kashim Shettima was a guest there too and when the vice-president rose to speak, he threw a jab at him: “Distinguished Kashim Shettima, who is also the majority shareholder and chairman of the Yemi Osinbajo ice cream company”. There was spontaneous laughter throughout the hall, which also caught on many watching the programme on TV in the comfort of their offices and homes.
Kashim Shettima would also turn his devastating humour at the opposing party’s presidential candidate, former Vice-President Atiku Abubakar. While speaking in Lagos early this month at the presentation of the manifesto of the APC to the business community and organised private sector, Kashim Shettima was said to have dismissed Atiku’s qualifications to speak authoritatively on the economy. “I respect Atiku Abubakar but – – the world is talking about artificial intelligence, big data, nanotechnology. The training that the elder statesman got from the Kano School of Hygiene is that of a wole wole”. Wole-wole is a Yoruba coinage for sanitation inspection officer.
Kashim Shettima went further to add that “And believe me, the ability to sell bottled water does not make one an expert on the economy. Atiku Abubakar is not Abraham Lincoln, he is more of a Raila Odinga. Next year, we are going to permanently retire the political tourist back to Dubai”. The bottled water bit refers to one of the businesses Atiku Abubakar runs while any observer of Kenyan politics knows what happened to Raila Odinga recently. And of course, Dubai had been a second home to Atiku Abubakar for the past many years now.
If you still think that these were gaffes, then you better reflect again. From my perspective, these jibes seem to be well-intentioned from a well-read mind. Those who know him say Kashim Shettima is an outstanding bibliophile, an avid collector of wide-ranging books, and apparently, he reads them. They say that there is also a side of him that enjoys cracking jokes at the expense of others. I can attest to that. I attended a couple of meetings in the council chamber of the government house in Maiduguri when Kashim Shettima was governor. I noticed that whenever the serious matters of the meeting ended Kashim Shettima would settle back and let his hair down with his close cabinet members enjoying banters and raising laughter throughout the chamber before departing.
I never knew then that in a few years he’d be extending the same to the national stage. We still have a few months of the campaign to go, so I guess we still have more wisecracks and aching ribs to come. And I bet you, should their ticket win next year, the presidential villa will not be the same dull place again.
