Elections are around the corner and things are looking up. Shouldn’t we be holding elections every year? It is true that they cost us a fortune, but the rewards are unsurpassable. For one, since we need money to authenticate the divine mandate, money must be made available. Where the vaults are empty, there are always neo-colonial groups ready to put the noose on the future of unborn generations with attractive lending rates and awesome repayment options.
Free flow cash is good news for those who do not know the colour or texture of the greenback but would hardly stop complaining about the slide of the Naira. Reading Muhammadu Buhari’s last budget presentation to the National Assembly, only Peter Obi, the uncrowned president of the stingy leaders association would express disgust. If Obi wins the next race, there would be an auction in Aso Rock, quote me.
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Election seasons are the only period on the political calendar when the ghosts of buried scandals real or imagined resurrect and start terrorising culprits. Iyorchia Ayu is already in the news for more than his demanded resignation. Four southern members of his National Working Committee, NWC have returned the N120 million housing allowances they received. They swear it is hush money, but Ayu denies it all.
In Rivers State, alliances are being won and lost. Celestine Omehia has been enjoying his pension as a former governor while Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi waited for judgement over a N700 million corruption allegation. Amaechi jostled for the presidential slot of the APC and lost. He had to resign as minister. Wike tried under the PDP and lost both his deposit and a chance to be vice president. While being a minister, Amaechi remained in Abuja as going to Port Harcourt could have led to undesirable consequences.
Last week, things turned around for the better for Amaechi as the corruption charges against him were dropped while Omehia’s status as ex-governor was removed. Omehia is now to pay nearly N700 million back to the coffers of the treasury. Even the deaf, dumb and blind know that these transformations have the hands of Wike as he battles his party’s top hierarchy. Omehia’s stint as governor was shortlived by an order of the Supreme Court. Amaechi replaced him, but it was Wike who endorsed Omehia as a former governor and ordered he be paid his entitlements. Last week, it became a saying – Wike gives and Wike takes, God bless the Governor.
As we know, elections imbue government with unparalleled dynamism. Leo Irabor, a general and Chief of the Defence Staff, CDS announced last Wednesday that they have secured the release of the remaining 23 hostages of the Abuja-Kaduna train attack. Nigerians had watched with incredulity as the hostages were beaten with bestial relish by their abductors.
The release of the hostages is welcome news to a nation that has stopped asking pertinent questions. To be asking how 23 captives were freed without a single captor arrested would have been seen as a sign of ingratitude to the gallantry of our soldiers. It would also be worth noting that our soldiers have better negotiating skills than Tukur Mamu whose negotiation skills have landed him in DSS detention. The last time this level of dynamism was displayed over insurgency was, guess what, when Goodluck Jonathan was trying to earn our trust again.
Elections humble the proudest politician and bring taciturn ones closer. Elections favour the politician as much as they favour the voter and his godfather. It is a win-win season for all but most especially for the voter. It is the only time they are treated as humans, the only time they are listened to and even wooed like nubile damsels.
Without the magic that elections conjure, people could have believed the rumours that Bola Ahmed Tinubu is lying critically ill in a London hospice. Here is the man who built Lagos from an urban slum into a megacity and single-handedly turned the fortunes of a serial loser into a winner. Tinubu’s media handlers dipped into the party’s iconic strategic communication notebook and pulled out a winning trick. A candidate taking a seven-second exercise bike ride might not be fit to outrun Tobi Amusan on the tracks, but at least nobody would say they are not fit to run Nigeria.
If precedence is anything to go by, a doting granddad in the picture with his grandkids is fit to occupy Buhari’s chair. What’s more, 48 hours after that 7-seconds exercise bike ride, Tinubu regained incredible energy to make the triumphant air return to shame those cavorting on his shaky hands and legs as well as his legendary slips and falls. There could be a hidden code in all these for APC Young Turks dreaming of one day occupying Aso Rock – you need grandkids to get there.
It is not only Tinubu that is sharing health videos. Atiku Abubakar released his own video where he was seen dancing Azonto. We are familiar with Atiku’s time in his well-kitted gym, we could now add to his resume, his impressive dance steps. Add this to a five-point agenda and you realise that being a good dancer might be one of the core competencies of a true Nigerian politician. Nobody denies that Nigeria is the home of music. What use is music if your leader won’t make a dance move?
While all this is going on, Peter Obi’s supporters are organising marches across the nation. There must be something about Nigerian elections that emphasises physical fitness. Our country is a war zone. Battles don’t favour drones. If you ask those who did not benefit from Muhammadu Buhari’s many poverty alleviation policies and programmes, you would not believe that one of the troubles of our nation is obesity. Obesity is like that virus that the archetypal Andrew was running away from. Today, Andrew has bowed to the Japa Movement. Everybody who could jet out is obeying the call of the time – running away from Nigeria.
We must thank all our presidential candidates for spending time in the gym, at marches and on the dance floor, all in a bid to keep fit for the race to Aso Rock. As Bob Marley once said – only the fittest of the fittest shall survive. Even for those with calcified bones, there is nothing than a short time at the gym, travelling the globe or taking a few dance lessons would not do to inspire hope in the remnant who either have no place to go or have chosen, like Andrew to stay here and salvage it by force or by fire.
