The love for extravagance

Weddings are no small issue in Nigeria; Nigerians take marriage very seriously. But the negative trends of over-spending for marriages seem to be the reason why some ladies and gentlemen remain spinsters and bachelors for long. Sometime back, CNN aired a documentary about Nigerian weddings with all the pump and fanfare and its culture of extravagance. The documentary clearly portrayed a typical Nigerian marriages ceremony unquestionably as a venue for vain competition.

The extravagance begins to show from the onset of marriage talks to the time the bride will be taken to her husband’s home. A bride to be explained, “there is what we call kayan gara, where we buy six or more bags of rice, beans, millet, gallons of groundnut and palm oil and a lot of other things that we take to our husband’s house. If we do not do this we would be looked down upon with contempt by our husband’s relatives,” said Khadijat Adamu.

Another truly extravagant wedding that took place last week show-cased – a hard cover novel titled ‘Our Journey So Far. The novel was distributed to every guest at the reception venue. To the delight and astonishment of many guests, it was the story of how the couple met, their courtship days, fights, reconciliations, disappointments, proposal and eventual marriage.

The couple was happiest that day not guests because they were getting married but also because they have invented and initiated a new trend for others to follow.

“Very interesting, indeed. For sure they have set a new trend but am sure, even within their family there are those that would have benefitted much from the money they wasted doing such,” a guest observed. I don’t like big and extravagant weddings because I always think what matters is what happens after. Luxurious weddings, expensive gifts, outrageous honeymoons do not determine how happy they will be in their marriage” said Ameerah Ali Maman, another guests at the wedding.

“ I personally don’t believe in extravagant weddings either. In fact, should I have a wedding someday, because I expect that I will probably settle most of the bill unless of course the wife’s parent’s chip in then, that’s great. I am planning for a nice but definitely not an extravagant wedding. I won’t impoverish myself over a day’s affair when it’s really just a ceremony and what is real is the days and days you spend together. Ceremonies are nice but they shouldn’t cost a fortune” said Hakeem Musa, another guest at the wedding.

Weddings are good and should be celebrated but not at the detriment of the economic strength of the families. “ A friend’s daughter’s wedding has made me realize that being extravagant on wedding celebrations isn’t worth the pain. He has only one daughter and spent all he had on her wedding, initially I told him he has gone nuts. He spent about two years’ salary on it. Five years later she wants another wedding ceremony because she is divorced, and he’s still paying for the first one” Pa Michael Nwazu, an accountant.

One thing most people fail to realize is that most extravagant weddings are the ones that do not last for long. This might be because people want to pride themselves for holding the coolest wedding in town they go to any. So, even if it means running into debt as long as they prove or that are different and classy. Later on, financial problems continue to rob the marriage of peace leading to total collapse.

“Marriage is and should be a once in a lifetime affair but it should not degenerate to the level of extravagance. Instead the money used for this extravagance can be channeled through charity to the needy, that would be a noble cause and would make your marriage blessed and distinct from that of vanity. There is also a saying that not all that glitters is gold, extravagance in wedding does not guarantee a happy marriage” says Amina Ismail, a psychologist with National Hospital, Abuja.

As someone at the above mentioned wedding ceremony rightly questioned, “when things go bad or if they go their separate ways, would they also publish a book for us to read?” this is a question most people that believe in wedding extravagances should be asking themselves. In other words should we be comfortable, when we indulge in extravagance even though those resources and efforts could go a long way in putting a smile on the faces of many?