The high cost of revenge

Most of us have this feeling or notion that those who oppose or offend us must suffer. It could be betrayal at any place and on anything. It could be someone defaming you – something like character assassination that could cause you life time damage. Situations like these had caused many emotionally wounded people to take revenge on their traducers.

Many people especially women are unable to deal with the anger and feeling of betrayal – this is common among women. They express aggressive anger with inelastic passion because patience has taken flight off them. Under this vulnerable situation, they take revenge without a second thought, because no thought is given to the negative consequences that come along with it.

Some women, due to their pettiness, always feel ignored, cheated, abused. They do not think of viable and reasonable options except the need to win at all cost. Some feel embarrassed when a fool is made out of them especially if it happens in the public. To many, the recourse is revenge as the only way out.

Revenge is a powerful emotion that hypnotises people into extreme but regrettable actions. Only last week, two men fought over a lady in Mpape, an Abuja suburb and one of them in died in the broul. Sure, this was as result of one man feeling really bitter for being short changed, so he must act. He became aggressive and intolerant. He engaged his foe and allegedly killed him, and now he has embraced the unexpected, because he refused or failed to observe caution and apply the human sensibilities. The revenge he went for has become real fatal for him. Today, he is not talking of how to reclaim the woman he fought over, he is going to fight the battle of his life – how to survive an impending capital punishment he is likely going to face.

To take revenge, some withhold responsibilities like giving out housekeeping allowance. Some use sex as a weapon to ‘teach their partners lesson’. Some also get into infidelity. Today, it is common for some women to threaten that if their husbands get into an affair, they will do same.

Some women completely ignore their partners and develop negative biases towards them. In some cases, both men and women show hostility verbally. Some women are emotionally and or physically harmed that in the end, some resort to separation, divorce or even death.

Revenge initially feels powerful, justified and satisfying. You may feel vindicated to see your intended victim who could be a husband or wife suffers but soon it gives way to disappointment, sadness, shame and guilt. Revenge is never sweet because it never heals. Instead, it gets you into prison and ties you more to your past hurt. It is actually poisonous because its effects far outweigh the momentary satisfaction.

You never achieve full sense of satisfaction when you take revenge especially if the target is someone you love so dearly. You only hurt yourself more than anyone else. In addition, you may displace your anger on innocent people. An angry wife who decides to separate from her husband may create a bleak future for the children.

Revenge is never a solution. It is always a problem. It is not for you to revenge. If a dishonest partner dumps you, be happy because it could be a good riddance to bad rubbish. You can never correct a wrong act by doing another wrong, because two wrongs never make a right.

The choice of a partner is ours, but marriages are, indeed, made in heaven. God knows the end from the beginning. If He has to get you through a painful experience to get you out of a certain danger, He will do it because He loves you. Sometimes our partner hurt us to remind us of man’s general imperfections. We should learn to use hurts as opportunities to move forward.

Do not repay evil with evil. Be careful to do what is right. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge.

Planning revenge and holding grudges against someone is basically just giving your power away to that person, because in reality, you will be spending all of your energy looking for ways to get even with the person.  Meanwhile, the fellow couldn’t care less of what you are doing anyway.  Don’t let problems get that far in the first place but if it eventually did, getting even is not and should not the best alternative because you would end up not achieving anything. It just makes things worse and the problem just continues and becomes a vicious circle.

Anger grows and ends up concurring your heart and soul as long as you harbour it. Whoever annoys you, you do indeed give them the energy to hurt you. Revenge hurts the giver more than the person they are planning to hurt.

By the way what better way can you avenge a deed better than what our creator. There is a saying that goes thus ‘ God is always with the patient one’. This simply means God does not neglect the patient person; he will surely fight your war and take the necessary steps to revenge a wrong doing. So why go through all the hassle just to revenge an issue?