I am generally an optimist in most situations and I think and work on that basis. But I am also a realist to the extent that I believe certain things in life are what they are. Based on the latter, I tell people that ‘stuff happens’, often regardless of the best that we do in what ‘we have control over’ and also because there are some things that we may not even have control over. That is why I am bringing out the reality that as in other stages in our lives, there may be disappointments, challenges, setbacks, betrayals and perhaps outright failures in retirement. Whilst disappointments are undesired, they have their way of getting us to be more competent and even better people IF we think and respond appropriately to the issue at hand. Based on the former, I have, last week, rather casually, mentioned some of the things we can do if we foresee or happen into disappointment whilst in retirement. Today, we will go through what we can practically do in such scenarios:
As always, start with the right mindset: As always, I advise people to try to have the right mindset in any given situation. This is because our mindsets are crucial to the choices we make and the choices we make largely shape the outcomes in our lives. Consequently, if you foresee any disappointment or a disappointment actually occurring, you will need to do two things: First, tell yourself that the reality of life is that things do go wrong even when we have done our best. This does not sort the issue out but gives some comfort in understanding that you are both fallible and/or others can fail you. Second, you need to understand the likely consequences of what you foresee as going to happen or has already happened. The extent of the damage would influence what the likely consequences may be and, therefore, what you should do or not do.
Second, ‘be comfortable’ with the process: Closely related to the right mindset we should have in situations, is the deliberate attempt we should make to be ‘comfortable’ with the response process. This is not to suggest that we should go around looking for problems or be happy when they happen! No, rather it means that now that stuff has happened, and we do not like it, we should face the problem with determination and resolve, accepting that these things, undesired as they may be, happen in life. I read somewhere where Alhaji Aliko Dangote talked about asking himself every morning something like “What problems am I going to be solving today?” Obviously, a person who is ready to face problems head-on is more likely to resolve them successfully than a person who wishes to avoid or even flee from the resolution process. This does not, however, mean Alhaji Aliko is enjoying the problem, I am sure he would rather have his successes without the problems. Instead, it means he is ‘comfortable and ready’ to face problems as they arise. To be comfortable and ready to face and address problems, you should be comfortable with what it takes, i.e. the process, of solving the problem. What actions should be taken? How long will the process pan out? What may be any additional costs? What resources do I need to deploy? This goes back to what I said last week that in all stages of life, we should derive our joy significantly from our best and sincere efforts which we have control over and not entirely on the results that we may not have control on. This not only helps us solve problems but it also minimizes the emotional stress of going through challenges.
Understand the Principles: Facing problems requires that we understand certain principles as follows:
Each problem is unique: Problems might appear similar but are in reality unique. This is because there will be certain differences in personal circumstances, context, situation, quantum, timing, etc. As a result, each problem should be viewed on its own merit and solutions conceptualised as uniquely required.
Understand the problem: In any situation, the first thing you need to do is to understand the problem. This will typically involve such things as clarifying specifically what the problem is; Identifying the root cause of the problem; Defining the goals you want to achieve; Developing an action plan; Executing the action plan; Monitoring and evaluating progressive results; and continuously improving.
Focus on the motivation required to solve the problem: Motivations strengthen our resolve to face and address issues. Identifying what motivates us with respect to each issue in our lives will help us confront problems, thereby diminishing in ways we probably did not expect.
Seek long-term solutions: When we face problems, we may tend to want to solve the short-term consequences of the problems. Whilst this may be required, it should be part of a total solution that comprises a long-term solution as well.
Adopt a systemic approach to problem-solving: Closely related to the above is the need to adopt a systems approach to solving problems at all stages in life. Again, a retiree should have advantages in being able to draw from their wealth of experience, knowledge, relationships, skills and other resources.
It takes time! There are many things that we can sort out fast, some almost instantaneously. However, many other problems take time to resolve. Being able to solve problems over an extended period requires both competence to do so and also patience to actively ‘wait’ things out. A ‘realistic’ timeline should be developed as part of the systemic concept of solving the problem at hand and we then should have the stamina required for the marathon.
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