One of the early issues we took up in this column is the psychological realities of retirement. As we round up this column this month, one of the last issues we will take up, again, has everything to do with how our minds process and handle everything to do with both our thinking and actions in retirement. If we make sure that our minds see, understand, process and place everything appropriately, then we are more than good to go.
Unfortunately, this is a little easier said than done for many reasons. First, we are living in times of massive information overload that ends up confusing many people; We are living in times of massive fluxes socially, economically, technologically, politically, etc.; We are living in times when children and grandchildren are fundamentally and significantly different from their parents; We are living in times when people compete with others rather than with themselves. And on and on and on. The pressures can be overwhelming if not understood and discharged wisely and safely.
As a child, I lived with my late maternal grandfather. Born in the 1920s, my grandfather was of the old school. He was a graduate of Sharia and variously a Sharia judge and a teacher. He was tough, serious, clear-headed, clear-minded, and always action-biased. As with most people of his generation, he was upright in his conduct and expected the same from everyone else. But of course, things didn’t always work out that way. And quite honestly it is when things didn’t go right that I saw one of the best things I liked about my grandfather.
Anytime things went wrong, my grandfather would do one of two things: If it was something within his control and that he needed to take firm and clear action, he wouldn’t necessitate doing that immediately or at any appropriate time and unambiguously, too. On the other hand, if it was something that he couldn’t do anything about, he would narrate to his wives what had happened and always round up with a statement in Hausa, “Allah Shi yaye” (meaning something like, ‘may God fix it’). From that point, my grandfather had sublimated and gone past that issue and it wouldn’t give him any sleepless nights.
There will be disappointments! In retirement, individuals, particularly in our environment, would likely go through some disappointments. I think appropriate action should be taken whenever it is right to do so like my granddad would have. And at other times, it may be in the retiree’s interest not to take any action and neither to worry about it, again as my grandad would have. Obviously, it is a fine line between deciding what you should or shouldn’t take action on. I think that is a personal call. But wherever the dividing line might be, it is important to remember that you are at a stage in life when you should take, at least a few things, easy in the interest of your sanity and physical health.
Some of the disappointments you may experience might be from family members including spouses and children, extended family members, friends, former colleagues at your work or place of business, associates, people that you have helped in various ways, your neighbours, etc. The scope of the disappointments is wide, ranging from the ‘petty’ to the serious. Your phone calls might be ignored and not returned; You could be disrespected by persons who should ‘respect’ you by our African and/or religious traditions; You could be cheated or betrayed in your financial affairs and matters; You could be bad-mouthed in your innocence and behind your back; Your new endeavour might not be patronized or supported by persons and organisations you would have thought would be there for you, etc. On the other hand, you may have also made innocent and no-so-innocent errors of omissions and commissions in the course of your active working and business careers that might come back to haunt you in retirement. Family members, the people in your village, city, or gated community that you were arrogant to might decide to ‘pay’ you back in your coin now. So how do we handle things that may go wrong in retirement?
First, it depends on what happens. If, for instance, we lose money, we need to quickly assess and see what are the likely consequences of the loss. If it will materially and negatively affect our living standards in either the short or long run, then we must see what we can do about it to make up if we can. So, if we can go back to work, on a full- or part-time basis, or do some business that will earn us some money, we can consider that. We can also opt to take legitimate actions at recovery without further loss of more money. Yet, we could also ignore it if it wouldn’t affect our living standards and/or the emotional cost of attempted recovery might be substantial.
Other times, what we suffer might not be physical loss, such as finances, but betrayals, a poor prognosis on a medical issue, etc. Whatever the case, we would need to keep a level head and just do the best that we can about the issue with the minimum emotional stress on ourselves. Again, this is not always easy, but it helps our overall health when we keep the right comportment in difficult times. A key lesson in all stages of life is that we should derive our joy significantly from our best and sincere efforts which we have control over and not entirely on the results that we may not have control on. And sometimes, our best and sincere effort, which we may find difficult, is to ‘do’ nothing.
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