Today we will take up an important factor in the success of individuals and societies in all stages of life and civilisations: Managing Relationships.
What is a ‘relationship’? The Britannica Dictionary defines relationship as “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other.” Relationships, in our context, have basically two dimensions, connection and quality. Connection can be due to blood, marriage, tribe, religious affiliations, professional or business associations, nationhood, etc. Whilst some relationship connections are possible independent of what we do, for instance, blood relationships, the quality of relationships is almost entirely in the hands of the parties in what they do or refuse to do.
Businesses are deeply interested in ‘managing relationships’, as a strategy through which organisations build and maintain ongoing positive engagements with their stakeholders such as suppliers, customers, shareholders etc. At personal and social level, relationship management is our individual approach to building and maintaining mutually beneficial and healthy relationships with others such as our spouses, siblings, neighbours, colleagues, business associates, etc. How well we are able to create the right relationships and maintain them goes a long way in helping or hurting our emotional health and productivity in everything else we aspire to do.
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Importance of relationships: Unappreciated by many people, relationships play a huge part in the happiness and fulfilment of our lives. Human beings have a wired and innate need for engagement, companionship, and community. From the moment we were born, our survival, emotional wellbeing and physical health are intricately linked to our attachments to and connections with others. These continue into our youth, adulthood and senior citizenship.
While unhealthy relationships can be toxic and detrimental to our physical and mental health, healthy relationships,
- Provide us a sense of purpose in life thereby giving us meaning and focus
- Help us engage with others, give us joy and decrease our stress levels
- Provide us with the encouragement and support we require for our personal growth
- Provide us with the guidance and support we need in our difficult moments
- Improve our self-esteem and self-confidence
- Enhance our productivity in what we do
- Create connections for us and build a sense of community around us
- Increase our chances of living long
The relationship between social and community ties (specifically marriage, contact with close friends and relatives, Church membership, and formal and informal group associations) and mortality was assessed using a 1965 Human Population Laboratory survey of a random sample of 6928 adults in a County in the United States. A subsequent nine-year mortality follow-up was made. The findings revealed that people who lacked social and community ties were more likely to die in the follow-up period than those with more extensive contacts.
Features of healthy relationships: Relationships would only be beneficial to you and other parties if it has certain characteristics, such as
- Mutual trust and respect between parties
- Well-meaning and kindness to each other
- Open, sincere and transparent communication among all parties
- Being available and providing quality time to each other
- Mutual support as may be required and as can be provided
- Commitment
- Willingness to disagree without being disagreeable
- Respected boundaries
- Some shared goals and interests
There are three aspects of relationship management viz, Nurturing existing relationships, Building and growing new relationships and Handling difficult relationships.
Nurturing existing relationships: Sustaining relationships over the long run improves their chances of being deeper and more satisfying to all parties. The more of long-lasting, deep relationships we have the more rounded and emotionally stable we tend to be.
Starting out with our immediate families early in life, we begin to make friends from our neighbourhoods and primary schools on to tertiary institutions and our work and businessplaces. Obviously, different relationships have different depths and over time certain relationships fizzle out. However, we need to make a conscious effort to sustain required, worthy and healthy relationships with as many people as is practical and as we can physically and emotionally handle.
Sustaining relationships takes resources such as time, effort and finances; We need to be available by being and remaining in touch with the other party. I mean, we all know how ordinarily good relationships get frozen when we lose contact and touch for a while. I suggest that we must call some people periodically to check on them, at the least, whilst there are those others we should visit from time to time. We also need to be interested in the other party, having as much detail as we need to without crossing boundaries mentioned above. We need to add value to the life of the other party. Adding value to others comes in many ways and we need to know what works best, when and with whom. Sometimes, it may just be a word of cheer whilst other times it may be a gift or a business introduction.
Sustaining relationships requires that we are emotionally smart by being empathetic, forgiving and making sensible compromises. For most relationships, an appropriate and timely dose of humour has also been found to be entertaining and nourishing. Similarly, we need to cherish our relationships and show appreciation for what others do. And it is a mark of cherishing relationships that we fulfil every promise we make. So, if we agree to meet at 2.00 pm on Tuesday, it means 2.00 pm on Tuesday, not thirty minutes later! In striving to sustain relationships, however, we need to make it easy on ourselves by being real and honest in what we can and what we can’t do.
We will continue next week on building and growing relationships as well as handling difficult relationships.
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