The French conspiracy on IDPs

Thank God for easy availability of facts, we would have taken the French group, Medecins Sans Frontiers, MSF seriously in their malicious campaign that there are 75,000 malnourished children in internally displaced camps in Naija. A group of unemployable French doctors who would not mind their own business want us to believe that they have used French satellite to detect kwashiorkor patients in Borno rather than focus on The Jungle on the outskirts of Paris.
Cheap blackmail secreting the hope in patriots that the sinnate would approve a substantive ambassador in Paris, pay the three-month backlog of arrears it owes embassy staff in missions abroad so that it could have a locus standi to take on blackmailers. I am only whispering this abandonment of embassy staff at a time when the surviving ruiners of the nation have not touched their own alawi since January. I don’t want to shout it loud in case Donald uses it as campaign after election issue to close down Naija House in New York. So, do not say I told you so as such embarrassment would be unpalatable for Sai Baba’s next UN junket. But see what the gang-up in the sinnate has done to us, they have decided to send Sai Baba’s 46-member list back to sender; apparently not because most of them do not know the capital of their own states. They would have been awesome representatives of Naija abroad.
Even with a gallon of crude selling at par with the price of an orobo soft drink, Naija; under Sai Baba’s prudence cannot have an internally displaced crisis. I put it to MSF and its parachute investigators that at no time in history or geography of this regime has any internally displaced person been denied the rights and obligations accorded other citizens of Naija. I challenge them to use the FOI Act to demand to see the expenditure budget of the Borno State government on displaced persons since the Boko Haram insurgency began. They would discover that the figures are enough to relocate the entire northeast to uninhabited parts of the Sahara and make it look like Paris (not the Jungle). A similar FOI inquest into the accounts of the National Emergency Management Agency, NEMA; the federal agency responsible for cushioning the effects of displacement would reveal allocations heavy enough to make a Dubai out of Borno. MSF could check pictures of Dubai from the personal album of General Tukur Buratai, who has mansions there.
The way and manner MSF has exposed this open secret it is obvious that there is a grand conspiracy by the French to present the giant of Africa as a negligent nation incapable of taking care of its own children in times of crisis. This may be a precursor to French expansionist agenda to recolonize West Africa for its vast resources albeit through the back door. Where can you find a malnourished child in Naija? We over feed our children so much so that the last time a street urchin attempted to steal garri to satisfy his craving for that malnourishment antidote, he was beaten black and blue and immolated to prevent this type of foreign blackmail. There is absolutely no reason for MSF to retouch pictures from World War II, Somalia and the Ethiopian famine and pass them over as Borno children in displaced camps.
On behalf of my government, let me issue a caveat to conscientious donors across the globe, that displaced persons are not facing any humanitarian crisis. Sai Baba and the change crew promised not to sit idly by and watch the quality of Naija life deteriorate. They are delivering on that score, the last time we checked, inflation stood over 18 per cent; Naija has a standing army of unemployed graduates it is now retraining to work as bus boys. Weeks after announcing with glee that the country is in recession; it has predicted a famine in the offing. But you can’t blame el Nino’s act on government cluelessness except you’re a critic. Patriots and Sai Babarians regard these announcements as perestroika and glasnost.
Anyone listening to MSF who is not familiar with the benevolence of the All Promises Cancelled, APC might think otherwise. We’ve not changed our slogan – everything is under alarm, no cause for control! As long as we can subsidize pilgrimages and help rebuild churches and mosques damaged by the insurgency, we’re on course. If MSF does not desist from conniving with international media to blackmail Naija, the wrath of God would soon be invoked and I warn that we have fire-spitting Imams and prophets with direct access to heaven’s curses, if not its blessings.
If MSF still doubts that Naija is a rich nation, it should switch its satellites towards Sai Baba’s convoys or to the Dome on the few legislative working days and tell the world if French lawmakers ride such opulence with all the car plants in France. Can a conscionable nation with malnourished children languishing in displaced camps display such affluence if 75,000 of its children face malnutrition? Ki a ma ri; Allah sawake, Tufiakpa – God forbid.