Our series on negotiation with kids continue. If you think I’m obsessed with negotiation with children, you’re right. It’s because I just finished writing a little e-book (30 pages) on the subject. Email me and I would send you a free copy. Meanwhile, enjoy the two tips below.
Law 13 of Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power says: When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest Never to Their Mercy or Gratitude
Green explains: “If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.”
Green is quite convinced that self-interest is the lever that moves people.
“The art of asking people for help depends on your ability to understand the person you are dealing with, and to not confuse your needs with theirs. Know that even the most powerful person is locked inside needs of his own, and that if you make no appeal to his self-interest, he merely sees you as desperate or, at best, a waste of time.”
Getting him out of bed
Of course children are not the typical allies you ask for help. However, one can utilize this law to make them help you in their own upbringing.Again, I’ll use my son as an example. While my daughter can’t wait to jump out of bed, her brother likes to remain in bed forever. Sometimes, the mother is tempted to drag him out. Even when he’s awake, he just doesn’t want to come out and pretends he doesn’t hear your call.
Recently, I’ve been using a tactic that makes both of us happy. I simply tell him that if he wakes up on time, he could watch some TV before he prepares for school.
And he jumps out of bed!
The first time the mother witnessed this miracle, she couldn’t help laughing. My son now understands that if he doesn’t get out of bed on time, there wouldn’t be enough time to watch the TV. Therefore, in his own self-interest, he wakes up and runs out of the bed. The parents are also happy because they’re able to solve a problem that hitherto refused to go away – which is getting him out of bed to give him a bath.
Appeal to their self-interest by using the 13th Law to your advantage. Suss out their self-interest, and you may never again get frustrated trying to get them to do something.
Frame the negotiation early and enjoy the first-mover advantage
The study of Morocco and the United States of America is one that is quite interesting. Did you know that the longest standing treaty between America and any country in the world is with Morocco? Did you also know that the first building the United States ever acquired on foreign soil is in Morocco, and it’s the only building on a foreign soil designated as National Historic Landmark? Even though Morocco is 99 percent Muslim, they fought on the side of the United States during the civil war against the Confederate states.
Therefore, America has also supported Morocco’s policy of noninterference by foreign powers. Morocco numbers among the 20 countries with which America has a free trade agreement. More importantly, Morocco is one of the only two countries in Africa designated as major non-NATO allies of the United States.
Why? It’s because the Sultan used the first mover advantage, according to Deepak Malhotra.
When America first declared independence and was still weak, Morocco was first sovereign country that recognized it and opened up its ports to the new country. The Sultan also requested that, as was the tradition, the United States should give some kind of gift – a tribute – to Morocco.
But the Americans, represented by Thomas Barclays, said the only gift they could give was friendship on equal terms with the United States. The Sultan said that was enough.
Therefore, “In 1786, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams signed the ‘Moroccan-American Treaty of Friendship’ that had been negotiated between the American representative, Thomas Barclay, and Mohammed III, Sultan of Morocco,” Malhotra wrote.
That treaty has been in effect for 230 years.
My mum used this tactic on me to set the frame early when I was a child who didn’t like eating.
She would come with a plate of food with an amount she was sure I wasn’t going to finish. Of course I would protest. Then she would say let me reduce it.
After that, I may ask her to reduce it again. She would appear to concede and reduced it. “Now it is quite small,” she would say, “you can easily finish this.” Seeing that she has conceded, I would try to eat the food to make her proud of me.
Why?
One, because she made a concession, just like the Sultan. So I had to reciprocate.
Two, she set the frame early, just like the Sultan. So she was in control and I had no choice.
If she had started with the small amount that I agreed to eat, I would have protested. Realizing this, she started with something bigger and worked her way to what she knew I could stomach – literally.
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