Temper, temper: Watch it, cool it!

We are all guilty of these traits one way or the other. Whether you brush it off and move on, or lash it out in frustration, how you deal with anger affects not only yourself, but everyone around you.

As hard as we may try to stay calm, situations always arise that push our buttons. While rolling into anger isn’t a bad thing because you are not the ultimate of creations, it is important to constructively express that anger, that is even if there is need to do so. It may seem surprising, but being overly passive and keeping your anger pent up can be just as unhealthy as having a violent outburst. A recent study found a link between anger and heart disease, yet another reason to tame your temper.

Anger is a completely normal emotion. It is normal to feel angry when you have been let down, betrayed or treated unfairly, but taking it to the extreme can be devastating.

A certain amount of anger is necessary to your survival as it allows you to fight and defend yourself when you are attacked, but when anger gets out of control or turns destructive, it can lead to various problems such as domestic violence, spousal abuse, aggressive behaviors, and disruption at the workplace and family fights.

It is impossible not to get angry about something, but it is how you act when you are angry that can make a situation better or worse. You cannot physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys you. You cannot get rid of or avoid things, people or situations that enrage you. Besides, you cannot change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

“Because anger is so powerful, managing it sometimes could be very challenging. It takes plenty of self awareness and self control to manage these spontaneous angry feeling. And when one eventually decides to take a decision to tame the anger tantrums, the skills are not just developed in one day, it takes time to develop,” says Professor.  Ahmed B. Umar, a lecturer with the University of Abuja.

Deciding to get control of your anger rather than letting it control you means taking a hard look at the ways you have been reacting when you get mad. Do you tend to scream, say hurtful, mean and disrespectful things when you are frustrated or annoyed? Do you throw things, kick and slam doors, hurt yourself or push and shove others around when you find yourself in that kind of situation?

If your answer to most of these is yes, then there is every need for you to sit and think over the dangers of keeping up with such anger tantrums. For most people they feel ashamed by their behavior after the heat of the anger fits must have cooled down. Anger can be very destructive and does not always portray the real us.

Always think before you speak or act. Some people jump to conclusions when they are angry which can be very inaccurate. Before your anger gets out of control and you say or do something that you might regret later, give yourself some time to think. If you are in a heated discussion, don’t say the first thing that comes into your mind. Slow down and think carefully what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Try to understand the other person’s point of view.

You can also calm yourself down by just thinking about the benefits of controlling your anger and the consequences of losing control. People who manage their anger well have better relationships, better health, and more success than those who manage their anger poorly. Uncontrolled anger can negatively affect the overall quality of your life and can result in a loss of respect which would make you unhappy. Witnessing extreme conflict in the home can have devastating effects on children, both mentally and physically.

Learn to express your feelings appropriately when you feel frustrated. If you can’t find the right words to describe your feelings, find a trusted friend who can speak on your behalf. It is important for the people close to you to know what you are going through.

Anger is a strong emotion. It can feel overwhelming at times. Learning how to deal with strong emotions without losing control is part of becoming more mature. It takes a little effort, little patience and little practice. And you will surely get there, a place or inner peace and tranquility.