Please raise your useless hands and get Jangebe-d, if you would like to reincarnate as a Naija. But certainly, there are those who would elect to return as Naija if they are assured of the same damned luck. Those whose damned luck made them a local government chairman when they should not even be considered as councillor; who later became members of an oily board; returned to be deputy governor; propelled by their damned luck to become governor; then catapulted to the position of vice president and again, damn luck became president without promising anything but fresh air. If Johnson Wax had such luck, he won’t spend so much money on advertisements.
Lijadu Sisters are still my favourite and many have joined them to countries where their dreams could come true instead of where their dreams would be damned. In case you don’t know, the Sisters left our shores long ago and have not looked back. The magnet that sucked them from their beloved home is selectively active today. In one city of the US alone, there are nearly 5,000 Nigerian doctors. For those who travel, everybody who speaks Naijalect (English with Naija accent) is not necessarily a Naija. Watch the arrival section of the airport or the departure lounge.
Bloody non-patriots; they left us with our damned luck. With our lawbreakers who desecrate their cultural dress by revealing how it could be used as pouch to ferry foreign currency. By the last act, a kaftan can carry $620,000 – a sum large enough to hire several SANs. They left us with our imposed governors, who take the entire state budget for investment abroad, satisfied that even the assembly will exonerate them if they are caught abroad. They have left us to our penchant to see truth only when it wears the toga of our religion or our tribe.
But there are still patriots. They are those ones who are sent to die as canon fodder in a war they did not start; casualties of an army they do not know and to places where even their damned president will not go. There are still patriots, who patiently see their cities taken over by soldiers even though it claims to run a civil rule. Those who leave three hours before an appointment on a wing and a prayer, knowing that one of three things could happen – check-points and traffic jam could make their dream a ruse; they could be blown off by a bomb or become victims of accidental discharge; or robbed in transit. Yes, these are patriots who pay more for the darkness that PHCN delivers, but would they want to be reincarnated as Naija patriots in the next life? Perhaps not.
If people are happy enough to be identified with their language but safer traveling with their acquired citizenship; maybe they would love to reincarnate as Ghanaians where the law of karma has transformed the deported into a deporter. Maybe as Egyptians, because they did not fold their hands for 300 years waiting for the monarchy to become extinct and for the dictatorship to repent but organised themselves, and seized the opportunity when it presented itself – much like the man with the damned luck. Perhaps people would like to be reincarnated as Britons, Americans, Swedes, Canadians…anything else but this one?
But come to think of it, don’t you think that the leaders of these countries would just love to trade places with our own? I mean, whoever became the president of these countries promising fresh air? George Bush was called a sizzy, but he managed to sneak into Iraq several times as Commander in Chief. Margaret Thatcher crossed the seas to start a war in Argentina, she is a woman (oh sorry, Iron Lady). For now, this citizenship is not working and many of us want out. I know it won’t be long when somebody would start a faith house peddling assured reincarnation to any country of their choice. And if I know Najia very well, they will soon find loyal members, smile to the bank and perhaps even get a presidential endorsement, provided they will not pray against corruption.
